switching back

i'm going back to my wordpress...tired of this old blog! check it out: http://ryanandsamantha.wordpress.com! i'll be there from now on... :)

budget-smudget

ryan and i have never really been the best at budgeting. i find it difficult to be really disciplined with money... it seems like every time i decide i'm going to really work at it, some surprise comes along and throws everything off. seriously, every time... but, we have decided to give it another go. as we look to one day move in to a space with a little more room to breathe than our current location, i've decided we need to 1) see how much extra we actually have that we could put towards another living space, 2) pay off some debt and 3) save, save, save. 

i have been doing the coupon thing for the past year or so (thanks to my sweet mimi who clips them each week and sends them my way), but i don't really feel like i'm super good at using them. like i know people who really work the system, but i have a hard time figuring out how. any suggestions out there from people who know how to do this well?

we are following the crown budget format, mainly because they have a lot of online resources that are free. but i did wonder also if anyone out there has any other suggestions for this sort of resource? i know dave ramsey and my mom has encouraged us to try to do one of those classes forever...but it's not super practical right now for us with ryan working so much. we are pretty selective about our night's now because it's the only time we really get to be together. 

so...anyway, the question is, what works for you? i know a lot of people make budgets work with no problem-what's the secret??

the lost art of conversation

"tienes hungry?" she said.
"si, mucho!!"
"oohhh.... donde esta tu babe?" she asked.
"con me esposo..."
"ohh!" she exclaimed.
"no, no, con me esposo's...no, esposo de la.. no, no..con me madre de esposo?"
"oh, si, con su abuela?" she corrected.
"yes, yes...exactamente!"
"tu es mucho funny!" she laughed.

this is a conversation that i recently had with anna, an older lady that i have recently come to know from el salvador...and, not surprisingly, this is how many of our conversations go, neither of us speaking the other's language very well, but both desiring to communicate with each other. we use of mix of spanish and english with lots of facial features and gestures, and sometimes even raise our voices (because talking louder and slower really makes an unknown language understandable!). even though conversation with anna is awkward and sometimes difficult, it's worth it to get to talk to this sweet lady..to try to communicate friendship and love to her across the many boundaries stacked up between us.

a friend was telling me the other day about another friend's teenager, who said that she prefers to text always. she doesn't like talking on the phone because "there's all those awkward silences where you just don't know what to say." i'm not knocking her because i totally understand what she means. i remember being in middle school, when that cute guy who sat across from me in my pre-algebra class called...and as much as i wanted to talk to him, i always got so nervous and didn't really know what to say. so there was a lot of breathing and only a little of talking...but that's what being in a middle school relationship is made of. and i really think i was learning even then about how to converse with other people..in fact, i think i have been learning that from a very early age. even noah, as a young infant, is learning how to have a conversation, in his own, little guy way. he makes noises and i respond, usually by saying, "no way, really?" or "you don't say!" or something along those lines..and you know what happens next? he responds back to me...babbling on a little, and back and forth we go. chit chatting away. while it's not the most intellectual conversation i've ever had, i know it's great for him as he develops and grows.

i really think overall, this whole texting thing isn't really the best for the art of conversation. i find myself, at times, saying things i would never say otherwise, or not saying things i would otherwise say...because of the freedom of just letting what is said be said. there's little relationship, even though there is much convinience. so, really, i'm going to try to pick up the phone and call next time...and you better answer. and be ready...awkward silences and all.

not quite right...

i was talking with a friend earlier about how it's just not fair that ryan and i are sickly alongside noah...all of us fighting these stupid colds. it makes it really difficult during the day for me to take care of noah when i am barely making it around myself...and poor ryan, having to go work from the wee hours of the morning, late into the evening-well it's just not good for anyone. i thought mommies and daddies were supposed to be immune to catching their children's illnesses?!?

ultimate fail in frugality

i have been really getting into the coupon thing. my sweet grandmother clips the coupons each week and sends them my way, which speaks so much love to me because i know it's such a pain to do. and i love saving money using the coupons! a penny saved is a penny earned, right? well, every now and then i find myself letting the coupons control me instead of me controlling the coupons. i had the experience just recently. there i was, walking around target, trying to really get ONLY what i needed...which is a constant struggle, because there is always something more that would be just so nice to have....when all of a sudden, i spotted one of those in-store coupon dispensers! sweetness, i thought to myself, a little surprise savings-maybe it will be something i need!! i rushed over to see that it was a $1 off coupon for coffee mate creamers. hmm, i do love their vanilla caramel creamer! yum yum yum! and, what's that? the creamer is on sale 3 for $4!? with a $1 off coupon, that makes it 3 for $3 ! what a deal? you know, those things are usually at least $1.98 for one, if not more than that! think of all the money i'd be saving if i used that coupon and got 3 creamers! so, i picked out three delicious flavors, thinking i could even share one with my mom (i mean, really, i didn't need to hord all 3 for myself!!). so, i pulled out one of the coupons, grabbed my creamers and headed to check out...smiling all along about all the money i was saving...as it so happens, i remembered as i was pulling away from the store, i don't really drink much creamer in my coffee these days, in fact...the truth is, i realized as i put the creamers into the fridge later that afternoon, i don't drink any creamer in my coffee these days... nor have i really for the past year... but, what does that really matter?? look at all the money i saved!!!

isn't it ironic?

...doncha think?? i have found it quite a bit of irony in the fact that people who are most like me, at least in mostly the same stage of life as me, are the most difficult to actually be friends with? i know of quite a few mommies with little ones who i'd love to really be friends with, but we can never seem to get our schedules together enough to actually be friends... it makes me so sad some days. but, little one's schedules are hard to work around. i know i have found myself scared to go out sometimes with noah for fear that he will be hungry as soon as i get any where, or it will interupt his nap time, or he will just be super fussy. when he is any of those things, he's not a lot of fun to be around. i mean, who really wants to be sitting at the coffee shop with the frazzled looking lady with the screaming baby?! not me! :) but, still, it is frustrating sometimes not being able to be friends with the people who actually understand who i am... and, on top of that, sometimes it's a little difficult trying to converse with people who don't have babies yet. what? you don't care about what kind of cereal noah is eating right now? you don't care if it feels like he might have a tooth coming through? seriously, you mean to tell me that you don't want to hear about the massively disgusting diaper he had the other day??! what in the world are we supposed to talk about then?!??

more snip-its

*i just burned nearly 500 calories running on the treadmill and hated every minute of it. i. can. not. stand. treadmills. supposedly, they make the running experience easier, but it wears me out. i decided today i was going to set up a laptop in front of me and watch abc.com to help the time pass by...so, i spent like 10 minutes trying to get it all set up right and on the perfect show (not too long, not too short), and then started running only to find out that the bounciness of the treadmill and the propped up laptop=terrible reception. unless i wanted to watch the show in half second increments (with like 30 seconds in between) then it was a no go... so, i tried to listen to some music on pandora via my phone...but, of course, i forgot to bring my headphones up and didn't want to pause the treadmill to try to find them. so, i ran with only my thoughts, which unfortunately i couldn't quite get past, "gee i hate this. this is no fun. gee i hate this. this is no fun." tomorrow, back to the open road for me!

*school is going really well. exceptionally well, actually. i have been impressed by the boys in my class, though i'm thinking they are still on just-started-school behavior. all the same, we have had a fun few days of learning together. i really think that's what i might like best about the environment i'm teaching in...i don't have to be the expert. we are learning together, which is wonderful! wednesdays are our chapel and picnic days, which makes them just enjoyable all the way around. i wish i could put into words the wonderful-ness of this precious school, but i don't quite have them yet. so, i'll wait until i do. i will tell a sweet story that i haven't even gotten around to even though it's been a week since it happened. we had a guest come speak in chapel who read the story of the Good Shepherd and talked about it with the children for a bit. at one point she asked the question, "what does it mean to "hope"?" a very young child answered, "it means to wish!" in a voice that implied, "what a silly question, lady. there is no question of what it means?!" i just am contemplating that thought...

*noah stayed with cece today...in fact, ryan is just now picking him up on his way home from work. as much as i love my boys (and i do...absolutely adore both of them!), having an afternoon to myself was nice. i took some clothes to try to consign and then came home and worked on my sewing machine for a while. i made these "go green" bags:
i'm always getting ideas of things to make from here and there...seeing things and thinking, "hey, i could totally make that!" sometimes i can, and others it turns out i can't...but i think things turned out cute. i actually have been using another one i made as a little tote-around-town bag and i'm loving it. i do plan to take one on my next little grocery outting. i always feel a little guilty about using so many plastic bags, so i can cut down by bringing one or two of my own! i'm thinking about trying to sell them, but not quite sure if they'd be a go just yet...

*on that note, i am hoping to start back my tie purses.. i absolutely love them and just haven't had the time or the space to make them.. but now, i do! :)

*i'm getting a little nervous about all the swine flu talk... not so much for me as for noah. our pediatrician talked to us about getting him vaccinated when he is 6 months, but i'm not sure how i feel about that. the vaccine is going to be so new...and he's such a little guy. on the other hand, it may be better than if he got the flu, which there seems to be somewhat of a chance of him getting. i'm not sure i'm ready to make decisions like this! can ryan and i really make such a choice?!? i certainly will be reading more on the subject...holler if you know of any good resources!

*noah is getting better at the cereal thing, and, consequently, the sleeping thing. for the past month or so, he has been getting up right around 3 am, then again at 6 or 7 only to stay up long enough for me to actually get good and awake before he falls back to sleep. but, the cereal might, just maybe, possibly be helping with that finally! the past few nights, we have put him to bed by 8 and he's slept until 5ish..and gone right back to bed after eating!

first taste of cereal

...

we had a busy day yeserday as i got a little taste of what being a working mom is going to look like. we had a time at the school for the students come to meet the teachers, which turned out to be lots of fun. our sweet little eighth grade boys seem to be excited about the new year, the new place and the new teachers. i'm a little apprehensive about the days that lay before us, but i'm excited, too, about this new opportunity! after having lunch with all of the faculty, i rushed home to pick up ryan (who rushed home from his own work) so we could head to the pediatrician for noah's 4 month appointment (4 months, already-time really does fly! some days have been the longest of my life, but looking back...oh my! where has the time gone!?), where we heard great news! i was actually almost giddy on the ride there, so excited about thinking about noah being able to start a little food and they gave us the go. he's been so funny the last few weeks, seemingly very aware of everything we eat-staring at it and even grabbing at it and trying to shove it in his mouth before we can catch him! tonite we will have our first big adventure...can't wait to see how it goes! i'm pretty excited about the possibilities from here, as i (like most of my friends) plan to make all of his food. no nasty preservatives for him!! i've been doing some reading on these things and am certainly open to suggestions! my inspiration for this is my sweet cousin, Jamie, full-time working outside of the house mother of just-turned-one-year twins...who has made all of their food. if she can do it, certainly i can too!! the doctor also said noah is looking as healthy as ever. he swears he looks like a plump little formula fed baby, which is great news! and he's still trying to talk me into moving to africa to share some of my milk with hungry children... he's still topping the charts in his growth, weighing in at a hefty 17 lbs 15.5 oz and 26.5 inches long!!
after the doc, we went to publix to get stuff for dinner and some cereal for noah, of course! then, we went home and ran (3 MILES!) and then i cooked dinner, we ate and i headed off to the school for a parental meeting. was there for a few hours, then headed home to find the boy already tucked lovingly into his bed (what a great daddy he has!). what a full day! and there are more to come, i'm sure....

i haven't blogged lately because life isn't very interesting...and because noah is so demanding some days. it's like the moment i sit down to do something, he becomes absolutely, ridiculously unhappy with whatever he is doing...even now, he's supposed to be taking a nap and he will, as long as i'm standing over his crib, but the moment i walk away-out pops the paci and the crying begins! it's super frustrating... especially since there is no break in sight for a few days, as ryan left this morning for san antonio. somehow just knowing that it's just me and noah for a few days is messing with my mind! i'm afraid i won't be able to handle it, even though certainly i can and i will.

i went to a meeting today to do some planning and learning for my new job! the gathering began with an inspirational quote (or i thought i was that, at least..): "knowledge is a barren tree, bare bereft of God." i'm still pondering upon it and invite you to do the same... school will start one week from today and i'm really looking forward to it. two days a week won't be too overwhelming and there will be lots of opportunity to learn as i go, which is nice.

well the boy is beckoning...

great news!

 i have noticed recently that i seem to be losing hair, little by little-when i shampoo, brush and even straighten my hair! it's getting worse each day. i finally decided to google it, just to see what could be up and i found this. "The most common period of hair loss occurs approximately three monthsafter delivery. The rise in hormones during pregnancy keeps you from losing your hair. After delivery, the hormones return to normal levels, which allows the hair to fall out and return to the normal cycle. The normal hair loss that was delayed during pregnancy may fall out all at once.

Up to 60% of your hair that is in the growth state may enter into the telogen resting state. The hair loss usually peaks 3-4 months after delivery as your hair follicles rejuvenate themselves. As noted before, this hair loss is temporary and hair loss returns to normal within six to twelve months."

so, it's no fun, and a little saddening since i recently decided that i really am growing my hair long again...but, it's normal, it seems.....

score!

i did it-i ran a whole 5K over the weekend and actually did well. i set a lofty goal, about two minutes faster per mile than i have been running...and actually was within 15 seconds of attaining it! and-i got second place for my age! i was pretty siked about that...when i dropped my card in the basket and saw only one other in there, i knew the news was good...i began planning exactly where i was going to put my trophy-i couldn't decide between putting it right on the dashboard of my car-so everyone who saw me out would know that i'm a runner or putting it on the bookshelf in our house-so everyone who visited it would see it first thing! okay, not really... i was just seriously excited that my hard work had paid off a little-i had done well, no walking the whole time! not even up the monstrous hills! :) unfortunately, though, for the second placers (they really just consider us the "first losers" i guess), there was no trophy! instead i got a sweet little u of m pedometer so i can measure all my steps. pretty sweet-i've always wondered how many steps i take a day. i had a nice big mountain dew the evening after the race, to celebrate my success...i have been off sodas for a while, not because i know that's the healthy thing to do, but because my personal trainer (aka ryan) told me that drinking a soda totally cancels out any running you have done on a particular day. with all my hard work, i could have none of that! but, i will say, the mountain dew was absolutely wonderful! everything i had hoped...and more! ;) we are now training for a 10K...a little further than i'd ideally like to run, but the program is "couch to 10K", so i guess we better continue on! 

surprise!

life is so unpredictable at times! i always find myself thinking i just might have it figured out, and then something happens and i realize i don't even have a clue... i am excited about the potential for change in our life right now. we have been kind of coasting along for the past few months, trying to figure out exactly which direction we are headed. having a baby is a huge adjustment. it's everything we thought it would be and more, yet at the same time nothing like we thought it would be. i thought it would be chocolate chips and kisses, smiles and sunshine all the day long...and while it is sometimes, it certainly isn't always that. i have seen a side of me that i never knew existed. it's ridiculous how mad i can be at my little baby sometime, but equally ridiculous, maybe even ri-donk-ulous (i actually heard someone use that in a sentence the other day...seriously) how much i love him. over the past few months, we have slowly adjusted to our new little family of three. i was reading a friend's blog and was reminded that last year, just around this time ryan and i found out that we were going to have a little one. the whole ordeal was quite surreal for us. i actually noticed something was up and decided to take a pregnancy test, just to mark that off my list. i was pretty positive that i wasn't preggo, but, at the same time, always a little nervous that i could be (i think i took like 3 pregnancy tests within the first month of marriage!). much to my surprise, the little stick had a plus sign on it...so, of course, i took another one-to be sure that the first one wasn't a dud. then, i rushed to the store and bought two more sets of tests to take, just to be sure and called ryan in a frenzy, asking him to meet me at the school ASAP. i jumped out of the car when i got there, ran to him and blurted out, "i think i'm pregnant!" i was in such a panic. he said that i should take the other tests and see what the outcome of those were...maybe it was something i ate? so, the next two mornings, i saved all my pee through the night, and did two more tests...only to see two more plus signs. each a little darker than the one before. first thing monday morning, i called the local obgyn and asked them if i could come in for a test. they, of course, asked if i had taken a home pregnancy test. i told them i had taken three, but that i had read that they are only 99.9% accurate...couldn't i get a blood test, just to make sure i did get a false negative?? the lady actually laughed at me and told me that i certainly must be pregnant...and so i was. and now, a year later, i have a 3 1/2 month old baby-the sweetest little guy in the world!
and now..more winds of change are blowing our way. i always assumed that i would be a stay-at-home-mom and that i would absolutely love it. while i do absolutely, undoubtedly, with all my little heart love our sweet noah, i do not always love staying at home...and, on top of that, having a baby is so expensive (much more than i would have imagine. fyi: just because you pay your insurance co-pay doesn't mean that you won't still have to pay doctor's bills...)! so, for the past few weeks, ryan and i have been praying about either him finding a new job or me finding a little part time, side job. i have been pretty picky about the hours i would work...and not really seriously looking...just kind of contemplating the idea of working a few hours a week... and wouldn't you know, out of seemingly nowhere, came a job offer. a great job offer. a i can't believe they actually offered me this job offer. but, we had to take some time to see if this job would work for us...and i was a little worried that the offer would be taken back because we were so slow in responding. but, as it turns out, the job is perfect, perfect, perfect for me for this time in my life. i'll be doing something i will really enjoy...getting to invest a little of myself into a few others-and the best part, i'll get paid for it! so, we can finally get all of the crazy hospital bills paid off (no circumcision for the next boy i have and no epidural for me even if i do have to have another csection...i can suck it up! gotta save money where you can, right??)! even with this great new job, we will continue to look for something that actually makes ryan's heart sing. he is such a trooper to work two jobs that he doesn't really love (for months and months...) just to bring home the bacon (even though we don't actually eat bacon). we have found a potential for him, but are slowly working through the details to see if it will actually be a fit for us. in the meantime, we continue to pray for the Lord's direction!
until next time...

success!

noah finally enjoyed riding in the jogging stroller today. we have tried and tried, but apparently, for him, being 3 months, 2 weeks and 1 day old is the secret for him. he didn't make a peep!! 

in other news, it looks like i may have a new part-time job, which is pretty exciting news! more to come on that as the details finalize. but, i will just say that it certainly is an answer to prayer. we have been begging for direction and provision and it looks like this may be it! :) 

that's all for now...my little guy is calling my name! 

week 3

so i have been meaning all along to share about my experience with the new running program i am on. unfortunately, i have forgotten to actually do it until this point. we are currently in the middle of week 3 of the couch to 10K (in 10 weeks) running program. i didn't think that i was going to make it this far, and honestly, i'm pretty impressed with myself. i started out on the program for two reasons: a) exercise is helpful in losing weight, which i certainly have plenty to lose (thanks to noah! ;)) and b) ryan loves to run and i thought it'd be nice to do something with him that he enjoys. it has been working both ways, i have slowly continued to lose weight and have gotten to spend some quality time with ryan. unfortunately, noah is not a fan of his stroller at this point...so that doesn't always work out so well. thankfully, we have gracious family nearby who have taken care of him a few times, and the other times, well, we spend most of our time trying to keep his paci in! 

the program started me out running just about an 1/8th of a mile at a time..then walking it, then running, and so on for a mile. i couldn't breath, my legs ached and i was sure there was no way i'd make it...but i did. and now, today's goal is to run 2 miles at one time. that may not sound like a lot, but the last time i ran that much was my senior year of college (2 years ago-yikes!). it's funny, though, every time i don't think i'm going to make it, am encouraged to keep at it, and actually do what i didn't think i could...i feel very good about myself. it's a nice feeling to have pushed yourself hard...and to persevere.

anyway, a new update on the running program as we go... :) we are set to run a 5K together in just 2 short weeks! last time i ran this particular race was in college, and i wasn't in super shape... i let my dad talk me into running it and he took off and left me as soon as the race started. i came in next to last place, running across the line just after someone twice my grandmother's age. it was embarrassing... and i was exhausted! hopefully that won't happen this time..

"helpppppp!"

library + screaming baby = no fun at all! especially when it happens after you've gathered all of your books, but before you've made it to the front to check out. even worse when you reaaallllly want to get the books and aren't willing to leave them on the table you've stacked them on. and the real kicker, once you make it all the way to the front of the library to check out and they take the basket away that you FINALLY found to assist you in carrying all of the books, and you are left with a baby, his diaper bag, and a stack of books almost as tall as you are with no bag or basket or buggy to carry them out with. but, the best part is when you ask desperately if the librarian has a bag (or 20) that you can use to carry your books out in and he says, "we can sell you one for $4." and you are sure he then whispers "sucker!!" under his breath... 

routine

routine has been our friend over the past 3 months with noah. it got him sleeping through the night and made him a much happier baby during the day. this past week, though, sadly enough, our routine has gotten all messed up. we have been taking care of my two youngest sisters while the rest of the family is over seas...which has meant sleeping in a different place, getting up earlier (to get the girls to drama camp), and eating at different times. none of which has worked in our favor. over the weekend, noah decided that he had had enough and has been, i'm pretty sure, the fussiest baby in the whole world. he eats, cries, sleeps, cries, and cries some more. if we put him down anywhere to play or just to hang, he freaks out. it's terrible... i'm going to try hard to get him back to our normal routine over the next few days, if i make it through. ryan is working like a mad mad this week (from about 5 am til 6 or so pm), so he won't be around to keep me grounded. :/ some days i can barely handle all of this time with noah by myself... i don't know how single moms/dads do it!! 

Top 7 Things I Miss About Being Pregnant

7. How amazing food tastes

6. The way people think you look cute with a huge belly...not so cute when you aren't preggo

5. Can you say "baby" shower? Presents are fun any time of the year, but baby presents are ESPECIALLY fun!

4. Stretchy pants

3. The hands-freeness of it all (imagine trying to carry two bags of taters with you everywhere you go...inside a huge, awkward box thing with a handle. that's me with noah most days!)

2. Daily massages-shoulders, feet, back--yes please!!

1. Having an excuse for eating anything I want...whenever I want it.

image?

"there is no ordinary man. you have never met a mere mortal."

i started reading a book recently and came across this quote. what a thought? i have been a follower of Christ almost my whole life, and a believer in the truth of the scriptures...but i'm not sure if this thought ever crossed my mind. the bible says from the start that mankind is made in the image of God. but i'm not sure i've thought about what that means in day to day life. i'm such a black and white kind of a person... usually seeing the world as either this or that, not in between. and i find myself so often seeing people as either believers or non-believers...but all people everywhere in every time have some kind of mark of God on them. something inside of them is bearing the image of God. not sure what that looks like, or what that really even means in the fullest sense. but, at the very least, i know that it should have a HUGE impact on the way i treat those around me.

silly boy

noah has successfully mastered the 3 minute power nap. just enough time for me to take a deep breath and relax...

reflections

i feel so boring these days. i was wondering as i sat here what i was doing last year on the 4th of july, so i did some back reading of the blog. i was actually quite interesting back then... not so much now. i just don't usually feel like i have a lot to talk about (on the blog, or in conversations with people day to day even). all i do all day on most days is hang out with a little guy who doesn't quite know how to talk yet. we do have funny conversations, but i don't think he understands what i'm saying...and frankly, he just talks gibberish most of the time! seems pretty normal for a convo with a man, though. ;) anyway, i get frustrated sometimes because i'm around people i like a lot, but i have nothing to talk about. i end up leaving the talk sure that whoever thinks i'm the most boring person in the world...and sure they won't be coming around any more. but some people feel bad for me (or they are stuck with me because they're related), which works out nicely for me! :)

i kept trying to spend a little time today thinking about our freedom. of course, i am mindful of the many men and women who have fought (and are fighting) for the freedom we have in america. i am so thankful to live in the land of the free...and i'm so thankful for those who have maintained that freedom for us today. i wonder what it will be like when noah grows up. will he enjoy the same liberties we do? i hope so, but i fear he will live in a very different america than we do. i'm also mindful of the One who has ultimately given us freedom. freedom from the law...freedom from our sins...freedom from ourselves really. freedom to live...not as one bound up in chains...nor as one with a huge debt to repay. i heard once, "liberty is not the freedom to do as one wishes, rather to do as one ought." i really love any quote that has a word like "ought" in it. you just don't hear that enough these days.. this sentence really struck me and has stayed with me for years, really. and i hope to somehow instill this idea in my children some day. i think the ought-to-ness comes from a heart of love maybe, something i'm a little lacking in these days....which means the ought-to's have suffered and have some how slipped in to "shoulds" instead. shoulds are bad... but oughts are not. there's a fine line between that i'm not sure i have quite figured out. so, why don't you just ponder that for a bit and get back to me when you have it figured out...

and, well, because i am a boring mommy afterall: noah is turning in to one fun kid to be around. he is starting, day by day, to be more interactive and to be a little happier baby...though, he certainly still has his moments. he spent the day yesterday with pop and bb, and they wore him out! they said he slept most of the time, but he came home sleepy and has been sleepy all day!! we all (ryan, noah and i) got up early this morning and went for a nice little jog together. we checked out the local farmer's market (a little over a mile from our house), and then headed back home, hopped in our car and headed to the REAL farmer's market downtown. i have been wanting to check out both of them for over a year, so i was super excited that we finally got to go. i love the idea of homegrown veggies and fruits and handmade items. i would have fit right in to the early 1900s! we got a great deal on some freshly picked tomatoes and peas! i can't wait to cook them. we also got some homemade pepper relish that i'm pretty jazzed up about... and, last but not least, we got some great ideas of more things to make on my handy-dandy embroidery machine. i've had fun working on it lately! and, ryan's mom is letting me borrow a book she has that tells you how to do pretty much everything with the machine...which is nice, because i have been kind of making it up as i go. as it turns out, i wasn't doing it quite right. but now, i'm a little more in the know about what needs to be going on. hopefully i can do a little more work this week....if a certain little man in my life wouldn't have some kind of 6th sense way of knowing that my full attention is directed elsewhere. i'm not sure how he knows...but he knows.

ryan and i have been having little conversations about how far we want to space our children (if it were up to us...). i read an article in "parenting" magazine that was giving suggestions, which made me think about it a little more than i had been. i noticed lots of pregnant women out today with their little kiddos...most of them seemed to have 3 or 4 year olds, which is a lot of space. so many factors to consider. what do you out there in the blog world think? what's the best space? we want them to be close...but then do we really want 2 in diapers? i can't really imagine being pregnant again in the next year or so...but then, that's how babies come..hmmm

no fear

the other evening, ryan and i decided to jump on the trampoline with my youngest sister, mollie. we all eagerly climbed up and started jumping. very quickly ryan had us bouncing all over the place...we tried to play the game "crack the egg" with me being the first egg-cracked in less than 10 seconds, and mollie being the second egg-cracked in less than 5 seconds. then ryan got down in the egg position and we could do nothing to crack him. in fact, with both mollie and i jumping with all of our might, he was barely even getting any air. it was pitiful! after a few minutes of this, he decided he would rather jump than be an egg, so he got up and started bouncing like crazy. which, after like a minute, began to scare me quite a bit. i had no control over where i was bouncing and i was afraid he was going to throw me right off the side, accidently of course...so, i sat down and held on to the side for dear life. mollie, who is 14 now, looked at me and said, "when did it happen that we started being afraid of doing things like this? why can't we just go crazy like when we were younger?" 

what a question to hear from a little sister! i laughed at first, but haven't been able to get it out of my head. when did i grow up and stop having fun? i would love to blame it on being a mom...but i'm afraid it came long before that...i want to shake loose and not be afraid again...

finally figured it out..

My new embroidery machine almost got the best of me, but I finally figured it all out, I think... Almost as soon as I got started, though, some thread got jammed in the underneath and it stopped working. I called the Singer man up, took it down to the shop and he fixed it in minutes...and for free! I made the right decision in buying it locally! :)
These are a few hand towels I made...I call them hand towels that will actually dry your hands! This is S for Smith (that's me!) And, surprise! C for Crawford...

And N for Nix...a gift for my new sister-in-law..even though I know she doesn't actually read my blog, it turned out so pretty that I wanted to post a picture. I am in the middle of a blanket for Noah, and then on to making some cute burp clothes. I'm now ready for business, so if you need anything appliqued, embroidered or monogrammed..I'm your woman! :)

In other news, we found a jogging stroller! We got a great deal on a gently used stroller, which Ryan and I are pretty syked about. We have gone running the past two days...nothing major, but we (mostly me since he's already in shape) are training to run a 5K on August 1st together. It's a good goal for us, and we have just enough time to whip me right into shape for it! :)

name brand envy

there are two types of people on middle school: those with spiffy and cool, brand name jeans...and those poor, pathetic losers who did not have spiffy, cool, brand name jeans. i, unfortunately was in the second group and i knew it. but i had friends...lots of friends, maybe even all of my friends, were in the first group. they sported brands like bongo and guess and the limited, and oh how i envied them. i wondered how i might get just one pair of jeans with one of those names on the back...play really hard in my jeans and get them all dirty and stained-surely then i could easily convince my parents to buy me a new pair. after all, dirty jeans on a 13 year old reflect not so much on that girl as the girl's parents. good plan, right? not so much... but there was a valuable lesson my parents were trying to teach me in all of this...something about how trivial the brand of my jeans were. at the end of the day, it didn't really matter all that much what kind of jeans i was wearing, i should just be thankful that i had some to wear. while i understand that now looking back, i didn't really get it when i was a preteen. obviously, my parents were the only ones who thought it didn't matter because all of my friends had cool jeans! even so, somehow i managed to survive middle school with no name brand jeans, and i'm pretty sure i don't have any lasting scars. but, unfortunately, i am facing a new dilemma as a mommy. for, you see, there are two types of parents now....ones who have sweet, awesome brand name products for their kids, and all the rest of those terrible parents who don't...

a new standard

having a baby changes your perspective on so many things. one of those things for us is the way we view restaurants. before noah came along, we had two factors that went in to decisions about where to eat: 1) cost and 2) quality. the main question was "are we getting good food for a good price?" now, though, a more prominent question arises: does the restaurant have a "baby changing station" (you know, those big plastic things that come out from the wall that you can change babies on)? i barely noticed these pre-baby, but now it's the first thing i look for. unfortunately, some of my very favorite restaurants are off my list because i had to change noah on the floor of their bathroom. not fun! zoe's, edgar's and even the wonderful urban standard will no longer be seeing the likes of me and mine...nope, we are off to bigger and better restaurants that actually love kids. 

ughnnn

it's funny how frustration creeps into me unaware these days. i am just running along usually, feeling great, and then something sparks my frustration and i am completely overwhelmed with it. it's not a fun feeling when it happens...and this morning was one of those times. 30 minutes of the two of us crying our heads off. he was not happy with me and i was not happy with him. i couldn't figure out what was wrong and he refused everything i offered. not fun! eventually, i had to load him up because i needed to meet ryan with his work shorts..i was terrified he was going to cry all the way, but he enjoyed the ride today (thankfully), which i'm pretty sure had something to do with the temporary new car God has provided us with. the air conditioning stopped working in our trooper last friday morning, and we picked up a "new" car that afternoon. God's timing is so funny sometimes. nick and ryan had decided a while back that we could drive his jeep cherokee (strangely enough-my dream  car when i was younger) while he was in basic training...which is a pretty sweet deal for us. i have been coveting all of my friends' suvs now that i have a kiddo and have to lug 10,000 things with me everywhere i go...and now i have one for a little while. it'll be nice to drive during the heat of the summer and give us a little time to make a decision about getting the trooper fixed. :) and, bonus, noah loves the new ride. the jeep is built to be a bit of a rougher ride (the shocks or something) which bounces us around a good bit more than the green machine does...and noah loves that! so, our day got much better once we got in the car... :)

pulling out the tricks

noah is a funny boy. he is all about some play time in the morning...which is not always fun for me, mrs. don't-even-think-about-talking-to-me-or-even-looking-my-direction-until-after-8-a-m. the other morning, though, i couldn't help but crack up at my silly little boy. ryan, noah and i stayed in a cute little room at the beach that was just perfect for us, except for the huge windows that pretty much made up one wall of the room. the natural lighting was great during the day, but not so much at 5 am when it woke noah up. he picked up a little stuffy nose from ryan, so he'd wake up having a hard time breathing...or at least, snuffling loudly as he breathed. we hoped he'd clear his nose up himself by sucking in enough, but no such luck. as he sniffed and snuffed, he began to cough a little here and there. you can imagine, *sniff sniff cough sniff cough cough* by this point, he's pretty much awake, so i guess he wanted to let us know by talking to us *sniff cough cough cough "ayyy" sniff "iayyy" cough sniff* ryan and i looked at each other, hoping if we didn't say anything that he might go back to sleep...but then came the sneezing, which he does in series *achoo achhooo acchoo achhoo acchoooo sniff sniff "ayyyyy" cough "ayyyyyyy, ayyy" cough sneeze sneeze "iiiiiiyyy"* i was like, "seriously, noah? go back to sleep." after a few minutes of this repeating itself over and over and over again, he began to whine...i guess to let us know that he really wasn't going to go back to sleep...might as well go ahead and eat, right? so went our mornings at the beach.... (after the first two mornings of this, ryan ended up doing getting up and taking care of the boy so i could sleep a little longer...he's the best! ;))

enjoy the ride

"when the smell of poop no longer triggers your gag reflex, you are officially on the ride"

we're back

we had a fabulous time at the beach! we spent lots of time with the family, a little time at the beach, and tons of time relaxing!! we were so sad to come home yesterday, though excited about our weekend full of wedding festivities. it's such a bittersweet time: we saw one brother off to start basic training with the air force, and we will see another brother marry the love of his life...and we couldn't be more proud to call both of these great guys brothers! 

hopefully we got some great pictures at the beach, which i will post soon.. :) 

the time has come..

that's right. no more fighting it. no more excuses. the time has certainly come to work a little harder to get all of the extra poundage i'm carrying around off. i didn't want to write about it until i knew i actually would do it...but i'm proud to say that i'm on DAY 4 of working out! i have hired a personal trainer. some of you might know him actually; he's a tall, good looking fellow, in super shape, knows all about working out, and happens to be my baby's daddy. i've told him not to go too easy on me because i definitely am in need of someone to push me harder than i push myself. and, so far, he has. we started the week monday with a full body work out, then a walk/jog on tuesday, an upper body work out yesterday and a walk/jog today. i noticed today while i was moving on along that i feel better already at the whole running thing. don't get me wrong, i don't like it yet...and i'm not very fast at all. in fact, i was jogging along today jamming to some john mayer (side note: listening to upbeat music really helps me with the whole running thing) when a dog started barking from a nearby yard. i tried to ignore him, hoping that he'd stay put..but, he decided to join me in my run. not a big deal really, until he passed me and took off ahead of me. and, no kidding, i'm pretty sure that he looked back at me and smiled and stuck his tongue out because he knew there was no catching him...

more snip-its

*i am terrible at coming up with titles for my writings. it's ridiculous how much i think about this and how little i come up with. i always want to pick the perfect title that will attract people to read more, but rarely come up with anything close!

*i have spent most of the morning trying to set up my new embroidery machine and to figure out how exactly it works. they offer a class at the store i bought mine from that i am seriously considering taking... it seems complicated right now! all the same, everything is hooked up and ready to be used! i'm super excited and already have lots of ideas...we'll see how they turn out in actuality. :)

*ryan is out of town for the day! he went white water rafting with his brother and dad. nick is one week away from heading out to san antonio to begin his air force training, so they decided to squeeze in a little fun before he moves away.

*noah is smiling quite often these days! he is one studly little man if i've ever seen one!

*we have taken him out to the pool twice now. the first time, he was not very happy about his experience: but the second time went much better. personally, i think he likes swimming with mommy much more than with daddy! ;)

*he is continuing to grow and grow. you might look at this picture and think he's not getting enough to eat...but his rolls would say otherwise! ;) he is doing a great job of controlling his head and each day, his neck seems to grow a little bit more. it's at least half an inch now!

*it's amazing to watch as God continues to provide for us in spite of our lack of faith at times. i was reminded of this yesterday when God provided for me in a seemingly small way...at least, in a minor detail. as has become commonality for me, i couldn't find a thing to wear yesterday. we were throwing a shower for my soon to be sister-in-law after church and i wanted to look cute...and knew i couldn't wear the same thing i wore to the last shower (which would be just about the only dress that fits me these days)... i tried on at least a million different things and nothing was working for me. i got super frustrated, way too sarcastic with ryan and then threw myself on the bed for a little pity party. after a few moments of wallering (yes, wallering) in how terribly my life is and unshapely my body is, i was struck with an idea for something to wear. i made my way downstairs to see if it would work and it did. i ended up with a super cute dress that i already had shoes and a necklace to match. it was such an unimportant-in-the-big picture sort of a thing, but I was so encouraged to be reminded that God is even in the smallest of details in our lives. as ryan and i struggle to figure out how we will make it through the month, it was nice to see physical evidence that God has not forgotten us...

*i have a few more pictures to share from the past two months! (ahhh-our little boy is ALMOST 2 whole months old! where has the time gone?!)

he loves to sleep in his chair:
loves to relax in mommy and daddy's chair.. and loves to get his picture taken...

"how about a hawaiian punch??"

happy birthday to me!

i am pooling together all of my birthday money to purchase my very own monogramming machine. ryan and i wheeled and dealed with the singer salesman today and got a great deal on a new machine complete with just about everything i need to get started. i have been enviously eyeing my mother-in-law's machine since she got it a few months ago and decided that this would be the perfect thing to ask for for my birthday. i am super excited about getting started and will soon be posting some pictures of my work! since i am home all the time these days, i am hoping to get a little business going of monogramed and embroidered products...so we will see how that goes. i can't wait to get started!! 

a birthing story (finally)

now 7 1/2 weeks late, i have finally written about noah's birth...better late than never, right? 

i began having contractions early on the evening on the tenth...assuming that noah was just fooling me and certain that there was no chance i was in actual labor, i spent the evening eating a large dinner, soaking in water (in hopes of stilling my contractions) and trying to lay very still on the bed. ryan even tried distracting me by putting on one of my favorite movies, but none of these helped. in fact, they all served to build my anger little by little because, no matter what i did, the contractions kept coming-stronger and stronger...aka painful by painful-er! when we decided that they definitely weren't easing up, we began timing them and realized they were just as they should be-coming every 5-7 minutes and lasting just under a minute. prior to actually being at this point in the whole process, i thought i would try to wait around the house for a while, until i was at least 5 or 6 cm and i just couldn't handle the pain any more. as much pain as i was feeling at this point, i was SURE that i was at least that dialated, if not more. after arriving at the hospital, however, we learned differently. not only was i NOT at 6 cm, i had not dialated at all since my doctor's appointment days earlier...however, since my contractions were so steady and strong, and my water was "bulging"-they decided to keep me for a bit. so, i spent hours upon hours (it seemed that way, at least...only about an hour and a half in actuality) walking around the 3rd floor of st. vincent's hospital. i got to spend some great quality time with ryan and my mom, as well as to check out all the great door hangers on all the new babies' rooms. i have some GREAT ideas for making some in the future...anyway, in the middle of all the walking, we ran in to the doctor who said that if i wasn't fully dialated by 6 am, then he would cut me open and pull noah right out. since i was already scheduled for a c-section due to noah's largeness, he was certain this would be the way he would come...but, he gave me the benefit of doubt. all that walking helped noah progress, so eventually, they laid me down and got me all prepared for my epidural. after getting that, things progressed a little more quickly and by the time the doctor made it by after his nap, i was nearly to 10 cm. he said he'd let me push for an hour, no longer, and then send me on my way to the o.r. if noah hadn't arrived. i was confident that we wouldn't need an o.r., as my friend ashley had been able to push her first baby out in a mere 30 minutes. i had twice that amount of time to get my little one out, which i worked very hard to do...unfortunately, noah and his big-headed-self were too big and me and my narrow-pelvis self were too small...which meant that he couldn't drop down low enough to even really begin thinking about making his way out. the doctor came in just before the hour was up and said he wanted to see me in the o.r. at that point, ryan, my mom and i all lost it. i think we were all pretty sure he was super close to coming out...and dreaded the thought of the looming c-section. (funny story: the whole time i was pushing, ryan and my mom were on the edge of falling apart, it seemed. they looked so pained the entire time and i even saw a few tears coming from each of them... i was telling them the other day that i kept thinking "pull yourselves together, guys, I'M THE ONE PUSHING MY GUTS OUT!" but, looking back, i understand how much they love me...i'm sure it was pretty terrible for them watching me so agonized and knowing they couldn't help) so, they suited us up and sent us in the direction of the o.r....and everything soon became a blur. i was terrified about going under the knife...and the surgery was incredibly painful for some reason...seriously, i was calling out in pain, something i have never really experienced in my life. after a few moments of me yelling, ryan asked them to give me something to take away some of the pain...which they prompty did...pushing some sort of drugs into my iv which took all of 2 seconds to get into my blood, i guess...because i felt much better immediately. unfortunately, it also made me feel completely out of it. they pulled noah out and talked about how hard it was to get his shoulders out because he really was THAT big...then showed him to me and began the clean-up. ryan got to go watch as they worked with noah, and i stayed put as they stitched me back up. the whole process took less than an hour and we had our little one! 9 pounds 13 ounces and 22 1/4 inches long (surprisingly even bigger than they thought he'd be)...born at 10:55 am on the dot! 

they wrapped him up and then tucked him in with me and began pushing us to the room.  i was pretty freaked at this point because i knew that they told me to hold onto him, but i felt like i had no real control of any part of my body, so i was sure he was going to fall right off the side of the bed while we were moving. i was so mad at them for giving him to me... later i found out that he was, thankfully, wrapped into my blankets rather snuggly. the boy wasn't going anywhere! we were wheeled right through all of our friends and family that made it out to meet our new son and into our new room (on the 2nd floor...which, was a little disappointing, not quite as nice as the 3rd floor). they promptly sent everyone out except for ryan and my mom, and we had a wonderful little bonding time with our noah! 

and now...7 weeks later, here we are...even more wonderfully bonded and so thankful that everything went well with noah's birth. i get frustrated some times because some people seem to look down on ladies who deliver via c-section...but the truth is, there's no shame. having a baby is having a baby-incredibly difficult work!...i don't there is ANY easy way to do it. and we did it this time the only way we could. otherwise, he would have had to grow old in me...which neither of us would have enjoyed. :) 

a little frustration

it's sad how shallow i am at times...i'm so tired of not having anything to wear. while i knew i wouldn't be back to my normal sized clothing immediately, i didn't think about what that would mean practically speaking. this post-pregnancy body is shaped a little differently that it was before pregnancy...and definitely differently than my preggo body. which leaves me in quite a predicament of not really having anything to wear. i've spent a good bit of the past 7 weeks in a smaller pair of maternity jeans that i dug out of my closet...and then a random collection of shirts (mostly baggy ones that hide the little extra i'm carrying here and there or t-shirts). i think i mentioned before buying a new pair of shorts...which has added a little more variety to my wardrobe. but still-wearing the same things over and over again isn't working for me...especially since none of them are really flattering on my body shape. but, i'm still working on getting down a few more sizes, so i'm going to try to stick it out through these weird stage. but all the same-i'm pretty sick of it right now...

a new sound

this whole having a baby and being a mommy has really changed my outlook on a few things, the idea of romance being one of those things. i've always been one who enjoys spending a little quality time with the ones i love and, of course, gifts (bring on the flowers and chocolates, baby!). these things speak love to me (gary chapman's five love languages, anyone?)...and they still do, but other things speak love to me now. for instance, changing noah's diaper. after being by myself for hours on end while ryan is working, it means the world for him to change diapers when he is home...because the truth is, we all know that no one actually enjoys changing diapers..it's just not a fun job! especially with a little boy who likes to pee (and sometimes poopie) everywhere as soon as the diaper comes off. it's risky business attempting such a task! 

another thing that spoke of major love to me happened when we were in the hospital. c-sections are rough on the body, as you can imagine. during my early recovery time, it was excruciating to even attempt to go to the bathroom. and my sweet husband was by my side every time i needed him. nothing says sexy like helping a grown woman go potty! 

other acts of love: doing the dishes (how does that sink fill up so quick?!)..taking the trash out (like three times a day with all the diapers we go through!)..helping fold the laundry (those little clothes, wash clothes, and blankets take years to  fold!) and one i didn't expect? watching ryan love our little noah. as he holds him close and talks to him, my heart just melts. knowing that the love of my life loves our little boy almost as much as i do speaks love pretty loudly. :) 

so even though the voice of romance sounds a little differently these days, don't get me wrong-i still like the flowers...

"freeeeeeeedom!"

if you had passed me cruising down lakeshore yesterday around 2 pm, you might have thought that william wallace was near...but alas, it was me headed to spend a few hours all by myself. 

 for a few minutes, i felt a little guilty that i was enjoying being by myself SO much, but then i remembered that it really is okay to want to have a little break every now and then. the strange thing about being a mom is how rare alone time really is. noah joins me when i take showers, go to the potty, eat, sleep, etc. unlike a full time job, there is no off time on the evenings and weekends...and it's a little wearing at times. 

so yesterday was my first true outing all by myself. i went and met my mom and sister for a few minutes at brookwood and then just walked around for a while. i got a new pair of shorts because the one bottoms i've been wearing of late are my early maternity pants. while the size of the shorts was a little bigger than i had hoped, i was thrilled to be buying clothing without a stretchy waistband! it's hard not having many things to wear these days. when i was preggo, i loved wearing clothing that showed off my burgeoning belly...but that isn't working out so well now because there's no baby hiding inside the belly that's left! and most of my pre-pregnancy clothes are still a little too small...and, well, i don't really want to buy many new things because i don't want to be at this size forever. but, i need some things to wear... tshirts and old maternity pants aren't going to work EVERY day! it's all such a dilemma. anywho, back to my fun afternoon... :) after the mall, i jetted by the grocery store to get a new thing of mylecon for noah-he's been much more gassy over this past week or so and these drops work wonders!! i just walked around the grocery store for a while enjoying the fact that i didn't have a baby in his huge carrier taking up all the room in my buggy...fortunately, we didn't really need anything since ryan, noah and i had been to the grocery just the day before. but, it was nice to wander freely. after this, i decided to go by babies r us really just to compare the price of the gas drops. i ended up finding quite  a few needful things including one of those sweet mirrors that i can put in the car above noah's carseat so i can see what's going on back there. i'm sure he makes all sorts of funny faces! it will also be helpful in playing the "where did you spit your paci to??" that's a tough game when you are driving down the road with a screaming baby who is demanding you find his paci ASAP!

so, that was my afternoon...nothing too amazing, but it was still quite enjoyable. thanks, ryan! :)

photo of the day

a new favorite?

sometimes noah, like all babies, has trouble controlling his movements. his little arms fly around like crazy causing him to sometimes punch himself in the face, sometimes punch mommy and daddy in the face, and sometimes even punch his sweet great grandma in the face. thankfully, he's not very strong, so this doesn't really hurt and gives us all a good laugh! he also has trouble controlling his legs, throwing them all over the place and kicking like a karate hero or something. this, too, usually gives us a good laugh. it's especially funny when he's kicking all around as he tries to get a good poopie going on. which leads us to the other thing he sometimes has a hard time controlling...when he goes to the bathroom. or maybe he doesn't...could it be that it's all thought out and purposeful? as he gets older, he seems to have fewer and fewer "accidents"...they seem to come at certain convenient times, like right when we are in the middle of a bath, he pees all in the water! or the latest is when someone is holding him. i'm convinced that he only saves this for his most favorite people in the world. the latest victim: his aunt ruthie. he's actually gotten her twice, which makes me think she must be his very favorite. yesterday, the two of us met ruthie at the summit to look at some shoes for this weekend's festivities. okay, actually, i begged ruthie to meet me because i desperately needed someone fashionable to help me find shoes to match my new dress...anyway, i had decided when we got there just to carry noah in, rather than getting his stroller out-it takes such effort and we were only going to be there for a few minutes. and the pumpkin seat by itself is a little awkward to carry around if you don't have something to put it in. so, i just grabbed him and ran in. ruthie quickly helped me find a great pair and asked the saleslady to grab them in my size, while i walked around with noah trying to keep him content. i knew he was working on dirtying his diaper, but it takes him a little while to get it all out so i figured we had a few minutes. right in the middle of this, a friend called who was swinging by to give me something...i told ruthie that i was going to run out and grab it and she offered to hold noah for me. so, i tossed him to her and ran out...i was gone, seriously, no longer than two minutes and by the time i made it back, disaster had struck unbeknowingst to poor, poor ruthie. i think i forgot to mention what my oh-so-fashionable sister was wearing: a very adorable vintage dress, a gift from her dad. not a good mix with our sweet little noah. i should have expected something was up when i returned and he was just chillin' in her lap, looking like the happiest baby in the world. i commented on how much he must love her as i picked him up...and then i spotted it, two big wet spots right in the front of her dress. she was so kind about the whole ordeal and we had a good laugh...but i felt terrible. but do you know noah wouldn't even apologize for the mess?? he just fussed at me like i was the one who poopied everywhere! babies! 

super-senser

our nighttime routine gets pretty funny at times. noah has been such a dear to start sleeping many more hours of the night than he was at first. for this, we are thrilled beyond words. a little sleep does the body good, right? and ryan and i certainly value our sleep, as i'm sure all you other moms and dads with little ones would agree with! sometimes, though, as i have mentioned before..when we lay him down, he gets really upset. he's a boy who likes to have company around and loves the companionship of someone holding him snuggly. but, alas, this just cannot always be done, so, we lay him down all by himself in his nice cozy cradle and walk away to our own cozy bed, just down the hall (and i really mean JUST..our apartment is tiny!). usually, it will take him a second to realize that mommy is no longer holding him and then begins the crying...some nights, it's only for a minute, other nights it's for 20! when we first brought him home, i said we'd never let him cry over 5 minutes...which is no longer the case. anywho, on the nights that he cries longer, it usually goes like this: cry, cry, cry, silence....cry, cry, silence...scream, cry, scream, silence... and so on. during those moments of silence-which really can be anywhere between 10 seconds and 10 minutes, i find myself trying not to move a muscle...even holding my breath at times, because i'm certain the slightest change of position on my part will be heard by noah, since he's just right down the hall. i guess that means he has the hearing of, say, a dog..because we have a humidifier doing it's thing right near his cradle...and then our box fan doing it's thing right by our bed. the irony is that i'm pretty sure even if he can't hear those little noises, he seems to have a senser of sorts....almost like, "oh yeah, i was screaming my lungs out!" and so he picks right back up where he left off.

preciousness

sometimes i swear i feel like the milk that i pump is liquid gold...possibly even immensely more valuable. it is the secret to my sanity these days, the means of a little "freedom" every now and then. i had a breakdown today in the middle of a nice trip to aldridge gardens. ryan took noah and i to the Y near his work to watch him play basketball with some of his co-workers. while this sounded like  fun idea at first (i'll be honest, anything that gets us out of the house is appealing these days), it turned on me later. first of all, it's not all that fun watching people play basketball...while i sit longing to play on the sidelines. i felt a little like the kid who is picked last for the kickball team-not too fun! second of all, i had to take a bottle of my aforementioned liquid gold because i didn't want to nurse in the middle of the Y. later in the day, while we were walking around the gardens, my mom called and said she wanted to meet us for dinner and then take me, along with my sisters, to get our nails done. i LOVE getting my nails done and have missed several invites recently because the nail salon is just not the best place for a newborn...but, since ryan was off this afternoon and evening, i figured he could easily take noah home and have a boy's night. not a big deal, except for feeding him...thus the reason for my breakdown-i was going to either have to give up another bottle of my precious gold or turn down a mani/pedi trip!! it's times like these where, i must be honest, i start feeling a little trapped...i wish we lived in a country where nursing in public was a little more normal and that i felt a little more natural about it. but the truth it, this place is not built for nursing moms...not the malls, not the restaurants, not the churches. so, how is a nursing mom supposed to make it?! pumping is great and i'm super thankful for it, but i can only pump about 7 or so ounces a day, which is a little more than one bottle for my chunky monkey...and that 7 oz isn't all pumped until the very end of the day...which is good for storing, but not for actually getting out. unless i plan to only go every other day. anyway, it's all a quandry that i haven't quite figured out...but hopefully one day soon! 

snip-its from our week

*four weeks ago today, noah was brand new in this world. now it feels like he's been here for years, in some ways...and in others, only a few days. he is looking a little different every day! right now, he has this crazy acne thing going on, which started last weekend and is clearing up little by little. unfortunately, i also have this crazy thing going on with my face-it's not acne, but like this red rash that comes up after i wash my face-it's really strange and quite saddening. i'm not bragging because i know i have had absolutely nothing to do with it, but i have always had a great, clear complexion...something about the weird flux in hormones post-pregnancy is doing strange things to my face (and other parts of me, too :/). my hope is that as noah's clears up completely, mine will, too!! a girl can always hope, right?? :)

*last night, ryan and i had a night on the town. thanks to a little company called medela and their wonderful milk pumping machines, we were able to drop noah off with grammie around 4 and go off to have some fun. as it turned out, noah got to have a little treat of his own-dinner with grammie and uncle chris! ryan and i went out to dinner at j. alexanders, which is one of my all time favorite places in the world to eat...we even treated ourselves to a glass of wine and dessert!  and then we went to see ghosts of girlfriends past (thanks, cece!), which was a disappointment, but we still had fun! we missed noah while we were gone, but it was nice to get out! when we got home, we snatched him away and booked it to our place!

*noah has been doing really well at night, which we are sooooo thankful for. sleeping only 2 hours at a time was not working for any of us, so i'm grateful we are out of that stage (at least for the time being). he is sleeping 4-6 hours at a time now...and doesn't do the whole crying his eyes out in the middle of the night-he saves that for when we put him to bed right after his bath and late night dinner time. i mean, you'd think we were torturing him by the way he screams when we first lay him down...it's hard on the ears and the heart to listen to, but we think it's best for him, so we do it. being a parent is hard sometimes... 

*pumping is going really well. it's giving me the freedom to take noah out more, and giving others the gift of feeding him from time to time. i have had a hard time stockpiling it, but we finally have a little supply in our fridge...noah cracks me up when i am trying to pump...it's like he is somehow aware that milk is coming out of me and not going immediately into his mouth, and he gets furious! he screams and screams for the first few minutes, sure i am holding out on him. his eyes searching frantically around the room, trying to find the other baby i must be sharing my milk with. but, alas, it's all for him! he insists that i hold his paci in his mouth as he swings, nearly the whole time i'm pumping...which, let me just say, that mr. medela did not make the pumping contraptions for use during such reaching, stretching and moving around that noah requires during this time. the best part-juuuuussstt as i'm finishing up pumping, he drifts off to sleep, dropping the paci and no longer requiring my constant attention and assistance! 

...

i feel like i have so little to talk about of interest now that i'm a mom. i do little more than change diapers and clothing, feed, feed, feed, and rock noah. i was reading the other day something a friend said about having such a high about being a mom that the tiredness and everything else was hardly anything to even mention. i told ryan and we laughed about how we must have missed out on getting that high...parenting a newborn is stressful and frustrating at times. it's so hard to know what to do when noah is crying and crying and crying...i long for the days when he can talk so he can at least tell us what's wrong. every time he cries, it seems we go through a million questions: "is he hungry again?" "is something pinching him?" "does he have a dirty diaper?" "is he hungry again?" "is his diaper on right or is something getting squished down there?" "is he hungry again?" "did he pee through his diaper onto his clothes?" "is he sleepy?" "is he hungry again?!" so it goes...and a lot of times we have no idea. and then i question our capabilities as parents-not so much ryan, he's a great dad! but i wonder where my motherly intuition is-that one that is supposed to just know what's wrong with my baby always. it's all a lot harder than i thought it was...i have a much greater respect and aweness of my mom for having six children!

out on the town

noah and i had our first big outing together today. i have been scared to venture out without ryan for a number of reasons, but today was our day! cece called this morning to see if we wanted to go to lunch with her and papa g (ryan worked all day). we started getting ready about 10:30 for our 12:00 meeting, and still ended up being about 15 minutes late. it's just hard to plan with a baby-he ended up eating for 45 minutes! and if there's one thing i've learned, you don't take milk away from a hungry baby! let him eat when he's ready or regret it majorly later!! anyway, we had a wonderful lunch and even got to enjoy the company of roxie! noah stayed awake most of the meal-just looking around at who knows what. he's so funny because while he looks around a lot, he's not very good at focusing on things-like people...you can try to get into his line of sight, but he still doesn't seem to be looking at you. i know, it's a baby thing! (i will say, though, since i know he loves his mamma best ;) that he looks at me a lot, especially when he's eating-my face is just the right distance away then, so he can focus easily, i think!) now that we have ventured out, i feel more comfortable doing it more often...especially now that ryan is back to work full time. i also finally started pumping today (thanks again for your help, jamie! we are ever so grateful), so i feel like that will help us as we get out of the house. i have been a little fearful because it's hard to nurse when you are out and about...i'm not huge on the whole sitting in the car deal, and most places (stores, restaurants, etc) are just not nursing friendly. while i'm not nearly as shy as i used to be about whipping the old milker out, i don't want to make other people uncomfortable. so, now we can take bottles with us and it's not nearly such a big deal. i'm pretty excited about this!

photo of the day

notice the buttons! the proudest grammie:

(not actually from today...this picture is from the hospital.)

1st check-up

we had a good report from the doc today. i was a little concerned about whether noah had been getting enough to eat, since he gets hungry so often after eating sometimes...but i need not have worried over such a thing. while the goal for most babies is to regain their original weight by the time he/she is two weeks old, noah weighed in at 11 lbs 1 oz and measured 23 inches long! when the doctor learned that he's grown that much solely on mommy milk, he said that if it weren't for the bird flu, he'd send me to far away countries to feed malnourished children. so apparently my supply is nutritious and plentiful enough for noah! :)

the doctor we are seeing was ryan's pediatrician and he is just wonderful. he was so funny and had a sweet spirit about him, while at the same time seemed to know what he was doing (he must be good since he's been in the business at least 26 years!). he talked to me a good bit about how things are going on my end and was careful to explain things to me all along the way (like why noah's umbillical cord hasn't fallen off yet and other things)...he also told me that all that stuff you hear about what you need to not eat while breastfeeding is hogwash. he said i could eat and drink pretty much whatever i want...i think his exact words at one point were, "have a few beers, it won't hurt him...just stay away from herorin and you'll be good to go!"

here's some pictures from our visit...notice his shirt, which i managed to get almost in focus, but unfortunately i missed most of his hair in the picture (which is what makes the outfit so funny)..see previous pictures

first day on our own

ryan went back to work full time today (full time between his two part time jobs) and it has been a little tough without him, especially this morning. noah was super fussy and apparently all he wanted to do was eat...i fed him 3 times between 6:55 and 8:30, and we aren't talking short feedings. he kept pulling away, thinking he was full...only to realize 15 minutes later that he was actually starving still. then he'd start sucking on his little hands like a crazy fella. i cannot believe how much he can eat. by the end of the 3rd feeding, i was pretty sure i was out of milk for the time being, so i had to console his fussiness in other ways. i'm interested to see what the doc will say tomorrow about whether he is getting enough milk. i hope he is, but i worry sometimes that he might because of his hunger binges. on top of all the eating, he refused to take a nap. i've been trying hard to not let him always fall asleep while he's feeding so that he won't get too used to that...but it's hard laying him down when he starts crying a minute later. he gets so worked up, it's just pitiful. and it breaks my heart. but, i think it's the best for him-at least from what i've been reading...we are going to try it for a while and see how it works for us. we are learning that babies everywhere are not the same, so what works for others might not work for our little one. it'd be nice if there was something that always worked for everyone everywhere, but then-we'd probably miss out on individuals having personalities, and that would be terrible. even at 2 weeks, we can see noah's little personality developing and it's so neat to see!

2 weeks

it's hard to believe noah is already 2 weeks old. i know 2 weeks doesn't sound like much, but he's already changed so much in such a short time-it's crazy! he is awake and alert more often these days, which is fun. he even smiles at us occassionally, and we'd like to think it's because he thinks we are funny-we tell him jokes and he smiles, it's great! ;)
*we are amazed at how much he goes to the bathroom. in the morning, he seems to have a hard time controlling himself, or he just enjoys the free feeling of no diaper. the routine goes like this usually-he has a dirty diaper, so we start the process of changing that...once he's wiped clean, he starts to poopie, which we quickly grab a diaper, wipe, or the nearest blanket to try to catch some of the poopie (usually to no avail)..once he stops, we wipe his cute little bottom clean and then by the time we grab a new diaper, he has peed all over himself, the changing table, and sometimes even me or ryan...so, we wipe him again and reach for another diaper, only to hear the unfortunate sound of him pooping everywhere AGAIN. what a mess! it's funny to think about happening, but reallllllyyy not fun during the early morning hours. so, we are thinking about starting potty training in a month or so...
*we had some wonderful company today! my dad and bette came by for a visit-noah showed his love by teeteeing through his diaper, onesie AND blanket-soaking even through pop's jeans! pretty impressive stuff! additionally, my cousin jamie came over with her 8 month old twins. we have talked about getting together for months and it just never quite worked out, so i was so glad when she called and said she was coming to surprise us today! her kids are adorable, and catching up with her was great! plus, she told me all about how to use my pump to get some extra milk, which i am quite thankful for! i have been scared to even try because i had not a clue as to what i'd be doing. it was so great for her to walk me through it-i think i know enough now to give it a try when i'm ready. i have been nervous about introducing noah to the occassional bottle for fear he will stop nursing so well...but ryan and i both think it might be worth it, so we will see.
*noah is sleeping better at night, for which we are all thankful. it is crazy that we feel like sleeping 3 or 4 hours at a time is the most wonderful thing in the world right now. but it so beats half an hour or an hour!!

highlight of my day

nursing in the car while parked next to this old man who sat in his car nearly the whole time noah was eating. good stuff.

thoughts

in the wee hours of the morning when ryan leaves for work, i find myself a little jealous that he gets to leave while i stay home with the crying baby. noah's prime time is somewhere between 3 am and 8 am-he's awake and fussy constantly. it makes it awfully hard when ryan leaves between 5 and 6...hard for me, and i'm sure hard for ryan as he has to leave not only a crying baby, but also a sobbing wife...
i also find myself thinking things are a bit unfair-i mean, most of the time, i enjoy feeding noah because it means a little special one on one time with him (and i'm amazed at the way our bodies are built for taking care of babies), but i'd be okay with ryan having just one boob...you know, to help out with the feedings every now and then...

thank goodness!

i forgot to mention in my previous post that i got my staples out yesterday! i was nervous about going to get this done, as i have never had staples anywhere in my body-and, well, the prospect of having someone take them out of me was a bit terrifying. i just kept imagining those little staple pullers that you use at work and how they always rip the paper regardless of how careful you are when you are using them....and imagine that happening to my tummy. not a pleasant thought. i just kept telling myself, "i made it through birthing a baby...i can do this!" even so, i was terrified. i was also nervous about leaving noah with ryan in the waiting room-scared he'd wake up hungry and not be consolable...that's the only drawback about breastfeeding-kinda of leaves daddy in a pinch when i'm not around! anyway, we made it to the doctor fine, albeit a few minutes late (getting a newborn ready takes a little extra time) and way too soon, they called me to the back. the nurse had a handful of tools as she laid me back and prepared my stomach for the removal. i guess i must have looked a bit pale because she kept asking if i was okay. after cleaning me and chatting for a bit about the baby, she apologized for what she was about to do. that's never a good sign, huh? but, as she pulled out her pliars and began to pluck, i was amazed at how little sensation i was feeling. it just felt like a little tug-nothing too terrible. as she finished up, i was tempted to ask her if i could take the staples with me-you know, like a little suvenior..but i lost the courage in the end. after she taped me up-like those thin strips of tape are really going to hold me together-she began to recite all the things i needed to be careful about doing/not doing. at the top of her list, "no sweeping, vacuuming, or mopping for you." thank the Lord! i was so glad to hear that news...because, a week and a half after having my newborn wrestled from my tummy, i have really had a hankering for mopping our house!