i heart the south

after living in colorado where no one even knew what sweet tea was (except for at Jim N Nicks), it's great to be back in the south! i was reminded of this today while ryan and i were out to lunch at this quaint little pizza shop on the beach. as i was filling up my cup with sweet tea, i overheard a lady asking the waitress if they had any unsweetened iced tea. her reply was priceless: a look of confusion and then an emphatic, "no"...which had the feeling of "why would we have THAT?" radiating from it! oh how i love the south!!! 

here are a few pics from the beach: 

us with my brother and soon to be sister-in-law!~
the whoe gang! what a crew!!! ryan and i:

beachin' it...

pictures coming soon...

not merely broken...

we were having a discussion in one of my classes the other day that was quite fascinating. my professor was talking about how shame is good sometimes. one of my fellow students (one preparing to be a counselor no less), brought up that shame is a bad thing. especially in the counseling field, the idea of shame is something that is discouraged and thought of as all together wrong. it's okay for people to feel guilty, they say, because guilt is about actions (i.e. "what you have done is wrong.")..but shame, no no no! shame is the idea that something about who a person is is wrong. and certainly, we don't want people to feel that way about themselves!! there was quite a bit of discussion about this in class, which has caused me to think a little more on the subject. my professor said something that has stuck in my mind like super glue:

"we are not merely broken, we are bad. we don't just need fixing, we need redemption."

what a thought! such a provacative idea in today's society. how dare we tell someone that they are bad at their core?! how dare we say that there is no hope for a person to help themselves?! no amount of doing good will make a person good enough... no band-aids big enough to fix this problem...not enough duck tape in the world to repair the hole. what an awesome thing, though, that that's okay! how amazing is it that we don't really have to do anything to fix this, other than turn to Christ. we have a Redeemer who changes our very center... who picks us up, cleans us out/off, and pushes us on our way... every time we fall, over and over and over. hallelujah! :)

did you know?

i read in my pregnancy book the other day that our little one is developing tastes for foods these days. apparently, whatever i eat, he is learning to like....which is quite fascinating really! some might say i am a picky eater, but i'm really trying to branch out so that our son has well-developed taste buds. :) here's a few things i have been eating, for him, of course! : 

chipotle (the tacos WITH guacamole!)

apples

3 muskateers

lots of cheese

banana and peanut butter sandwiches

and, of course, chicken! 

you can tell i am really stepping out there... 

our one year anniversary!

we saved our anniversary outting for this past Sunday, because we heard about this wonderful place that served an amazing brunch called the brown palace. it's a historic hotel downtown that is just beautiful! i made reservations for us saturday and picked the only morning time available-9 am. we got up and got all dressed up and ready-ryan even wore his fancy-smancy suit-and headed downtown. we got down there a little before 9 and went in and they seated us immediately (which is always nice when one is a hungry, pregnant woman). as we walked to our table, i noticed that there didn't seem to be much out for this incredible brunch we were there to partake of. we sat down and opened our menus, only to see no offering for brunch, and then, in small letters at the bottom, i saw a note: brunch 10-2. and, contrary to my normal, totally unemotional self, i burst out in tears. i was so disappointed because i had been talking it up so much to ryan! he ever so kindly consoled me and we decided to just get breakfast, which was just as good. i really was hoping for a belgian waffle, which they had on the menu! and he, of course, went for the much healthier option-an omelette. he tried to get it with egg whites only, but i talked him out of it. you gotta live a little sometimes!! ;) anyway, we ended up having a nice breakfast together at a really pretty place, so all in all, not a bad date! :) here's a few pictures:

the hotel: me enjoying a nice warm cup of coffee...

ryan, preparing to sip on his new beverage of choice-hot tea!

we also received some beautiful flowers in celebration of us:

and, ryan had these waiting for me when i got up (on our actual anniversary)...he always picks the very prettiest roses with the neatest color combinations. this picture doesn't do justice to the color hues. what a sweet husband i have.

funniness

i was talking with ryan the other day about how great snow is. all you readers in alabama are thinking, "right on, sister!" :) people out here don't really like snow, they find it annoying and old. i guess i like it because it's new. i have seen only a wee little snow in my life...and it's just such a beautiful thing! i have been wishing that it would keep snowing here until we move back, and it just might! it's supposed to maybe snow again tonite and then later this week! whoohoo! although, today, it was about 60 outside and the sun was shining bright...which was a little odd, considering there was a couple of inches of snow on the ground from the weekend. just seemed stange that it was so warm, but still snow was everywhere.
anyway, in thinking about snow, i got to thinking about how old little one probably will be like us and not get to see a lot of snow around town, since we will be back in the 'ham. i certainly want to make sure we vacation to snowy places because i want him to be able to experience the wonderfulness of snow. then, i got to thinking about how in alabama we are always thinking that there is the possibility of snow when it gets cold outside. my dad was telling me just a few days ago that snow was being predicted for middle AL yesterday. he, of course, wasn't holding his breath, which was probably quite wise. :) but i don't know what it is about people in alabama thinking it really could snow (i'm talking like a good couple of inches, not just flurries-though flurries are nice!:)...don't get me wrong, i am right there with those who think in such ways, but really...it hardly ever REALLY snows in alabama. even so, there is this thought that it could snow, and every year, kids all over the state wish and hope for a white christmas. and every year, it's like 45 or 50, at least, outside on christmas... like there's even a possibility of there being snow on the ground when one wakes up in alabama on christmas morning! it has never happened in my life time (that i remember, and certainly i would remember such a wonderful thing)! i just wonder what it is that leads us to believe in the possibility...it's quite funny, if you think about it.
all the same, i found myself saying just a few days ago that maybe it will snow on Christmas when we get back home..and won't that be funny? (since we've been in the cold, snowy land of colorado with little snowy-ness!)

one year!

my how time flies! ryan and i celebrated our one year anniversary today and it's hard to believe we've been married that long. in some ways, it seems like it's been only a few weeks...in other ways, it feels like we've been married (or together, at least) all our lives. life's funny like that. :) i'm so thankful that God brought us together... I can't imagine what life would be like apart from Ryan being in it.  

our baby boy and us...

so these pictures are a little blurrier than normal sonograms because we took a picture of the pictures with our camera. a friend was saying they got theirs on cd from the doctor-unfortunately, i guess our doc is not quite so high tech. :) oh well, these pictures are still pretty amazing...

Here the baby is hiding his cute little face, or trying to at least. some might think he's being camera shy, but i think he might have a little of his dad's tendancies-working to keep his nose clean and boogar-free! LOL

We begged Nick to take some more pictures of us, in the day light...so we could have some snowy pictures from our time in CO. It's so sad that it hasn't snowed much...

And here is my burgeoning belly... I've been trying to get a good updated picture all week! finally, i was satisfied with this one. (btw: I'm wearing some of my new duds that Ryan bought me yesterday... no more saggy, baggy, falling off of my maternity jeans... my new ones fit quite well! what a relief!! :))

*white* friday

it snowed again!!! ryan and i love the snow:

and so does our trooper! :)

it's a...

boy!! that's right! we are going to, in just a few months, be proud parents of a son...okay, the truth is, we are already proud parents and the baby is not even out yet. we went to the doc yesterday and were so excited to hear our suspicions confirmed. a dear friend (and mother to a little boy) told me that fuzzy tummy=baby boy! because i'm pretty sure there is a forest growing on my stomach, i was really hoping for a boy. i mean, what would all that hair have to say about a girl!? ;) anyway, another friend suggested that i drink a cup of orange juice before i went in for the ultrasound, just to assure that the baby wouldn't sleep through it, so i did. and it worked! oh my goodness-he wiggled around the whole time! the tech was actually getting a little  frustrated because she was having such a hard time getting all the pics she needed. she kept beating on my stomach (and overly full bladder!) trying to get him to move where she wanted him. funny, and a bit painful at times! :) afterwards, ryan was telling me that he felt like he pretty much knew what was going on the whole time-could tell what was what (as far as the major body parts-arms, hands, feet-oh the feet are SO cute!). i thought for a while that i was doing pretty good, but at one point, she was taking some close-ups of what turned out to be the stomach and gallbladder (how do they even know these things?!). both of these little organs were black, as opposed to the rest of him being kind of grayish. well, anyway, i was certain we were looking at our precious baby's little face. the black spots looked a lot like eyes to me...i was struggling to see the nose and mouth, but just about had it figured out. i was very close to actually saying something out loud about how cute his little face was. thankfully, i did not and soon after, i saw her type stomach and gallbladder onto the screen, pointing to my baby's "eyes." ryan and i had a good laugh about this later. anyway, we are SYKED about having a boy, and are now working diligently at figuring out the right name for him. so many choices! in fact, last night we went to borders and bought a new baby name book (we had gotten one a while back that was on the sale rack. i was excited about our great deal, but unfortunately the book turned out to be more like a dictionary than a naming book, suggesting names like "seven" and "multiple".. who would name their kid that?!?!). anyway, yesterday we actually finally sold the rest of our electronics collection-our tv, ryan's playstation 3, the games, and all our blu rays. we were thankful that God seems to be providing a little extra for us through our sale. anyway, in exchange, we bought a new book-ryan picked it out and he's sure it's the best (because it says on the front that it is)...so, we are reading through it. we really want a good strong meaningful name. we are open for suggestions, though... ;)

on this cold morning of thanksgiving, i am sitting here all by myself and feeling a little lonely. ryan's best bud, dustin, is in town and he called to see if ry wanted to play a little football with some peeps this morning. i know how much ry loves football and i think it's fun that his thanksgiving tradition is a little like mine used to be-always we used to go to the local high school with all the uncles and cousins and play a little football. so fun! unfortunately this year, i can not play...and i wouldn't anyway because they are all serious about the game (hello, college football players-no thanks!). so, i'm at the house baking away for our meal today. we are having some friends over to celebrate our thanksgiving with, which is fun. though, i do miss our sweet family today!! the menu, at least on my side of things (i'm not sure what else is coming) is:

turkey-fried by a sweet friend's husband

sweet potato casserole

broccoli casserole

a can of cranberry sauce (it's just so good!)

lime jello casserole (don't tell ry i called it that though, it offends him for some reason..lol)

homemade rolls-my mimi's recipe!

pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese icing

pecan pie

i have a feeling we are going to have wayyyyyy too much food! :) but i can't wait to dig in! 

happy thanksgiving to all!!

coming soon: 

     what i'm thankful for...

     pictures of our wee one, if i can figure out how to get them on here

it drives me crazy!

so, i went to a certain little shop yesterday, really just looking for a cup of ice. but, knowing that they probably wouldn't just give me a cup of ice, i decided i better order something...but just so i could actually get a cup of ice, mind you! so, i suffered through a small order of reese's cup ice cream and then asked the dreaded question, "is there any way i could get a cup of ice, too?" as i was asking the cashier this, directly behind her were all sorts of different cups, which gave me some hope. that hope rose quite a bit when the cashier smiled and turned around, as if she were going to fix me a cup of ice. but then, my hopes were quickly dashed when she turned right back around and had a cup the size of my pinky and said, "this is all we have. i could fill up a few of these for you?" right...two pieces of ice in each cup, i'd need like fifteen! and how in the world would i carry that out?!?! so, sadly, i turned her down and took an unwanted cup of ice cream. (okay, so maybe the ice cream was wanted just a wee bit....)

what is frustrating is that this experience happens everywhere...and it's not limited to when i'm just wanting ice, it's also when i order a cup of water. i mean, really, the cups probably cost them 2 cents each, IF that! i'd be more than willing to pay a nickel or even a quarter for a bigger cup....otherwise, i just have to stand there by the drink machine, filling up little cups of water, having a sip which empties the cup...and then fill it up again. how's a girl supposed to enjoy her drink, much less her meal?!?

a little of this, a little of that...

*only 3 more weeks of school! in some ways, the semester has flown by, but in other ways, it's been quite slow... as the semester winds down, we only have a few more things to do. thankfully, both ryan and i cranked out a few big papers last week. it is nice to have those done! now if we can just get the rest done.... :) 

*in exactly one month from today, we will be hitting the road destined for sweet home alabama!! we have no official place to live and no set jobs, but we will wait to see where the Lord leads. a lot of people seem to be, in very nice ways, looking down on our decision to move back to the 'ham. it has not be an easy choice to make, but has been obvious to us. we aren't heading back because we don't like colorado or because we miss being near our families (though of course we do miss them!), but we feel like this is what the Lord has for us for this coming season of our lives. we aren't sure exactly what it will look like or exactly why, which i guess makes the whole journey a little bit harder in ways. it would be a lot easier for us (especially when we get all the questions from friends and family) to know exactly what the Lord is leading us to do, but we don't know just yet. it's a journey of faith. we earnestly sought the Lord about moving to colorado and followed what we felt was his leading...and now, we shall do the same. and, we wait eagerly and patiently to see what's next (besides the obvious!). 

*every now and then, i start thinking very seriously about writing a book. after writing a paper this last week on a subject that i thoroughly enjoyed thinking about an dwelling on, i have found myself pondering trying to pull my thoughts together and write them all down. it's quite a stretch, but maybe one day... i do love writing so! :)

*pregnancy is doing some good and some strange things to my body. for one thing, my hair seems to be growing a little faster each day (i think that has something to do with the prenatals, more than the pregnancy itself though). this is nice because i've decided i want it long again! :) my belly is expanding little by little, as well. some people are surprised to hear that i am 19 weeks along and still so small, but i definitely don't feel small. i am getting more and more people staring at my belly when they talk to me, as if they are trying to decide. this is especially happening at work, as i administer breathalyzers, i notice people just staring with big eyes at my stomach, wanting to ask, but afraid to at the same time. i want to put them at ease, but i'm not sure how. i could say, "i notice you staring at my stomach, yes, there is a baby growing inside there!" but that'd be a little awkward. a shirt might do the trick, one that proclaimed my news to the world...but then i'd have to wear it every day to ensure everyone GOT it, so... 

*thanksgiving is fast approaching and we have been scatteredly planning our meal. we are having some friends over to celebrate and, if we actually have all the food we have talked about having, i think we will have enough to last us until christmas. i was pleasantly surprised at the grocery store yesterday when i saw that turkeys are not ridiculously expensive. safeway's brand was like $8 for the HUGE one.... not bad at all!!! now the only problem is figuring out how to cook a turkey since i've never done this before. i'm also looking for a great stuffing recipe-any one?? :)

*i did have one sad revelation this past week. i was at target getting a little of this and that grocery-wise when i happened upon all of the christmas things-from decorations to foods (btw-i did have to get a box of those white chocolate covered oreos-the ones that only seem to be out around christmas time...and i have selfishly said that i don't want to share them with anyone because there's so few in the box...they must be saved for special occasions. ;))...and then all of a sudden, it hit me. due to the fact that we are moving home just a few days before christmas, we will not get to decorate our place! ryan, i think, is a little grateful for this fact because not putting decorations up means not having to take anything down. but, i am a wee bit saddened by this fact. especially after seeing steph's pictures with everything looking so cute!! 

well, i guess that's all i have for now.. until next time... 

oh my!

one of the papers I am working on this week is about the book of Lamentations. what a hard read...

just me...

Growing a little more each day...

I think I might be feeling the baby move a little every now and then, but he/she is still so small-it's hard to tell if it's the baby or just gas...

yes, this is about the election

(disclaimer:my goal is not to offend, just to share a little of my thoughts)

i've been quite surprised to hear some of the reactions about our new president-some for him, some against him...but most all have strong options. i, of course, am no exception. today in my old testament class (about the kingdom of israel and its prophets), we had a little time of processing the results of the election and heard some different opinions on what people thing. my professor is a democrat and admitted that he voted for obama, with some reservations, though...so, it was especially interesting to hear his opinion about these things. in studying the kings and prophets in the old testament, there are patterns within that still hold true today. so, we discussed obama's win in light of these things. the bottom line is, obama is merely a man with some good and some bad...and i imagine that is just what we will be able to say about his presidency reign after 4 years. he will do some things right (i think especially about how he seems to be an advocate for the poor) and he will do some things wrong (heavy on my mind right now is the abortion issue-it is a HUGE deal and he has made some poor decisions already about these things, it seems)....but this fact makes him just the same as all the presidents (and all kinds of other leaders here and there) that have gone before him and all the ones who will follow. this change that he is ushering in will not be the ultimate change that we are hoping for... 

i've heard quite a few people refer to obama as a muslim and say negative things about this, but some clarification needs to happen (for all 5 of you who actually read my blog!): not only does he not claim to be a muslim, but he claims to be a follower of christ. and, as christians, we need to pray that this is true and that God would protect him (not just physically, but spiritually-from falling into the traps of sin and self) during his time as president (and after, too). the bottom line is, he is the president-elect, whether i voted for him or not...and the new testament says very specific things about the authority God has placed over us. 

on a lighter note, i am bummed that sarah is not our new vp. i was quite impressed by her and hope to see her run again in the future. regardless of what the media says, she sounded quite equipped and ready for such a huge thing. 

a wee bit stressed

life is quite busy these days. with only six weeks left in my first semester of graduate school, there is tons to do! i have quite a few major papers to do and not enough time to do them (it feels like!). i seem to have this quirky thing about me that is really frustrating when it comes to school work: i work really well when deadlines are hard pressed upon me. the deal is, it's not like i haven't known all semester about all the papers that i need to write. but when i sit down way ahead of time to write, i get no where....no where. i'll try and try and all i do is crappy, and i know it. so, i wait until the week it's due, when i'm really feeling stressed and pressed to get it done, and the results-magnificent! okay, maybe not quite magnificent, but pretty good (and much better than the early works). plus, i am able to get through it a whole lot quicker than if i try to work on it way early. i know, crazy, huh?!? all that to say, the next few weeks are going to be super busy as i try to get everything done! 

in other news, i am a little over 17 weeks pregnant and things are going wonderfully. i know ryan has to be tired of hearing me talk about my changing body. for a while, i've been convinced that i am way too big for being only 17 weeks. after being weighed at the doctor a few weeks ago, oh. my. goodness. but then, i get so upset when people ask how far along i am and i tell them, and they respond with "well, you certainly don't look it." yesterday, i was talking with a girl who is 20 weeks and her belly was protruding a little more than mine and she went on and on about how small i was. :( no! i'm pregnant and i want to look it!! silly emotions! i did have a funny encounter at church on sunday. during the "passing of the peace" (which, if you haven't experienced such a thing-it is beautiful! after our time of corporate confession of sin and the words of blessing and forgiveness, we go around and greet everyone-in the middle of the service!- and it's specifically a time where we share God's peace with one another...so you shake hands with those around you and instead of saying "Hi, how are you?" to start the convo, you say, "God's peace be with you." or something along those lines...very beautiful to experience!)...anyway, during this part of the service, an older man was on one side of me and he walked over and said, "God's peace" and I responded back and then he pointed to my stomach and gave a chuckle and then looked back at it again...an awkward moment, i must say, so after what felt like hours of this, i turned to ryan so he could introduce himself...and he did, and then the guy looked back and my stomach and then up again and paused, and then turned away. it cracked me up because i know he was about to ask something about the pregnancy or due date, but stopped himself because he didn't want to ask such a question if there be a chance that i just had a tummy! hilarious conversation that has me laughing still today! 

well, i guess my papers aren't going to write themselves...

oh one more thing! my sister-in-law had her baby last week!! there are pictures up on the proud grandparent's site: here! i can't wait to meet the little one in person...in just a few weeks now!!! :D

a startling statistic

i went to a seminar this past week about the effects of technology on youth today. it was very enlightening and i learned quite a bit of new information, but one thing has really stood out in my mind. apparently, a few years ago a study was done on the effects of the tv show, friends...which, is one of ryan and i's favorite shows! it is so funny! anyway, apparently, the results showed that adolescents (of any age) who watched friends were 50% more likely to engage in sexual intercourse within the year of their watching. that is a ton of kids! the sad thing is that there are shows much worse than friends on today that kids are watching (i.e. desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, etc) and i imagine that if they did the study again, the statistics would be even higher. in fact, kids between the ages of 9 and 11 were asked to name their favorite (and most frequently watched) tv shows and do you know what they said? the disney channel, nickolodean, desperate housewives, the office, and grey's anatomy. what are such things teaching kids about what life should be like? what are such things teaching us?! 

a few new pictures...

 

Ryan got a hair cut, I'm starting to look preggo, and there's some beautiful foliage right outside our back door! 

Oh the joys of pregnancy!

As I near the 16th week of my pregnancy, there are a few things that I'm a little slow in adjusting to. As many people know, one of the joys of pregnancy is random cravings. It's like all I have to do is hear someone talk about some kind of food and I HAVE TO HAVE it, and quick. Of course, since we have limited resources right now, the getting it doesn't always happen, but Ryan is good about letting it happen if it can. Unfortunately, some of my cravings hit when I am talking with people from Alabama, which is bad because we don't have all of the same restaurants. Like I was talking with my Mom a few weeks ago and she mentioned Guthrie's and I couldn't get it off my mind for days...in fact, now that it comes up again, I could really go for some of that amazing sauce with some fries and chicken! But sadly, no Guthrie's anywhere close to me. Today's random craving actually developed from a random dream I had last night. In fact, all I remember about the dream is that I was with my mom and she was drinking Diet Dr. Pepper...and, as she's always so nice to do, she shared some with me. Since I woke up, I've been yearning for a Diet Dr. Pepper. But, that's a no-no for preggos! (which I actually just learned a few weeks, thankfully!) So... I found myself actually buying a Dr. Pepper. The sad part of the whole story, I don't even like Dr. Pepper, I only like the Diet...but I drank some and pretended like it was the good stuff... and it worked, kind of. =)

We go back to the doctor tomorrow. No..stop that question you are about to ask me...No, we will not know the gender of the baby after tomorrow's appointment. We'd like to know, and we will eventually find out, but our doctor has told us that she won't tell until us until I am 24 weeks along. I know-that's really late. I know-ridiculous! But oh well...we will find out eventually! And, I'm looking forward to being that far along because not only will our little baby be that much closer to coming out of me, but we will be back home by then-yay! 

Until next time...

Oh one more thing-very exciting news! My sister-in-law is getting very close to having her baby! She definitely sounds ready for little Roxie to be here, and told her yesterday that if she's not born by next Thursday, then they will induce! Whoohooo!! Here's a picture of her and her sweet husband (I actually stole this from Carol's page! :))-doesn't she look just beautiful?!?!

No escaping it..

You know, God does funny things sometimes. We have a new counselor at Genesis, and I was talking with him last night about his practice. He recently got his training in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and so I was asking him a few questions about it. I recently read a paragraph about this technique that was squished into one of my counseling books. I had been terribly dissatisfied with the short explanation the book gave, so was so excited to hear someone who knows how to implement the technique. I still don't really have enough info to explain it well, so look here!  Anyway, it has proven to be a very effective tool in working with people who have simple phobias, as well as people with post traumatic stress disorder (it's used quite frequently in the military, I learned). The jist of it is that it takes people to a similar state as the REM sleep pattern. Our new counselor told me that he thinks it's pretty fascinating that God actually created within every person the ability to get to this place and have to deal with their problems through their sleep patterns...which, I thought, "Hmm..that is really amazing!" Well, little did I know I would have such an experience not long after talking with the counselor. 

I have dreams pretty often, usually they are majorly affected by what I watch on tv. I have gotten so that I don't like watching anything remotely violent at night because I have terrible dreams (latest cases: Iron Man and that show, The Unit). Plus, with all my raging pregnancy hormones, my dream life has been all the more active. So, last night, I had this very vivid dream and I really feel like God was telling me that I really need to deal with this. A dear friend of mine from back home died unexpectedly a few weeks ago. One moment, all was well, and the next-he was in eternity (and ultimately for him, all was even better)...but it has been a hard thing to process for many of us. Me, I have pretty much been avoiding processing it, which has been easier than one might think. Since I am living many miles away and since I only have been able to talk with him sporatically since our move, it's almost like if I don't think about it, I can pretend he's still around...I know it sounds insane, but so it goes. Anyway, he was in my dream last night, alive but with some problems. For some reason, he was blind and quite slow of speech, but he really wanted to talk with me. His brother kept bringing him to me and saying, "You really need to talk with him....please just talk with him." And I kept saying "No I don't want to deal with this now, I'll deal with it later." And I'd go away from where they were...but they kept ending up near me again, only for his brother to be telling me the same things. And he himself kept trying to talk with me, but I just wouldn't do it... I kept pushing him away, again and again, saying "I'll deal with this later..." I woke up quite startled by my dream and with a very heavy sense of sadness that I kept pushing away dealing with my friend. And then, as I lay there in the middle of the night, I recalled my conversation with the new counselor at work... that God has made up so that sometimes we deal with our emotions even in our sleep. And I realized, that maybe God is saying it's time for me to really deal with this loss.. 

I still don't really want to...it's easier to pretend otherwise, as selfish and crazy as that is... but I don't think He's going to let me not deal with and process this loss. 

So, heavy I walk today filled with sadness over the loss of a dear man. 

A Communion Story

As most of you know, Ryan and I have been attending an Anglican Church as of late. There are a few things a little bit different there than from our previous church experiences. One of the things is that the Communion is practiced differently. Instead of the elements being passed around, each person walks to the front to receive them, first the bread and then the wine. We have gotten fairly used to this practice, but encountered something a little different this morning. We were sitting in our chairs, awaiting our row's turn to go to the front. I usually like to spend this time in prayer and dwelling on the act of Communion, which I had been this morning, but as the row in front of us went, I began preparing myself to get up. In other words, I was just kind of looking at the front of the church, waiting... and something quite funny caught my eye. See, just before we even begin even talking about Communion each week, the children are all brought in from their kid's service. So, there's a lot going on and all of the kids go up with their parents to partake in Communion. Well, they can partake or not partake (for the ones who don't, I'm assuming the ones who have yet to receive Christ themselves, walk up to the front with their parents and cross their arms over the front of their bodies. When the pastor sees this, he bends down and prays over them-a beautiful thing really)..anyway, the particular kids who caught my eye were a little bit older and were two brothers who were both partaking. One of the boys got to the wine first, but the other (younger) brother was close behind. As the chalice bearer was walking over to get some grape juice for the first boy, the younger brother kind of ran up behind/beside his brother. The older brother proceded to shove (and hard, I might add) his younger brother out of the way...like he was afraid the chalice bearer might give the juice to his brother before him. As I watched this interaction, I chuckled to myself. But then, I started thinking a little about it. And I thought that it was a great picture of how we can be sometimes...almost as if we are subconsciously afraid that God might run out of grace for us, so we don't want to share it with anyone, when this is actually the complete opposite the message of the gospel. We cling to the grace God has so richly poured on our lives, but look around us with eyes that see others as not worthy to receive that same grace...when really, we aren't worthy ourselves, by any means! The beautiful thing about the gospel IS that God sent Christ for the redemption of the whole world, that there really is enough for everyone-even for that one that doesn't deserve it in your own eyes... because when you really look deeply at that person, you might end up seeing something quite unnerving--it's actually you.

stretchy pants

As you all know, Nacho Libre is one of my favorite movies of all times-a movie full of deep wisdom! I recently recalled a great quote from Nacho himself: 

"When you are a man... Sometimes you wear stretchy pants... In your room... For fun."

As a slowly growing baby makes my stomach protrude a wee bit more each day, I think Nacho just might have been on to something. Though, I might change it a little:

"When you are a woman...sometimes you wear stretchy pants..in your room (and elsewhere)...because they are the only thing that fits..." 

one down...

two to go! trimesters, that is...yep, amazingly, i am already a 1/3 of the way through this whole pregnancy. some days i hardly believe i am really pregnant. then i look down at my slowly growing belly, squeezed into my jeans and poking out my shirt just a little bit more every day--and well, i know it's true! 

the library

i actually ventured to our school library today to do some studying between class and work. i have about 3 hours between the two on tuesdays and usually just go home and chill. but, because of my easily distracted nature, i rarely get any school work done during this time. i usually straighten things up, watch something stupid on tv and take a little nap. the nap, i am actually sad to be missing, the other things-it's probably better for me to get some school work done. so, here i sit, in the wonderful library at denver seminary. it's actually a pretty huge place that is laid out in a nice way. there are tons of windows, so lots of sunlight coming in, which always makes a place more pleasant. i completed one of my papers, so i feel like i have made really good use of my time. now, i am going to meet a friend for lunch at panera and then head to work. (yah, right, like i could actually spend ALL 3 of those hours studying! ;))

pictures from last weekend!

Driving through the mountains on the way to Grand Junction-an absolutely gorgeous (even though quite scary at times, since the speed limit is quite high...) drive!
Driving through the Eisenhower Tunnel..it's a long tunnel and Ryan held his breath the whole way through! I was sure he was going to pass out....and yes, that is the driver's seat he is sitting in...
Nick attempted to hold his the whole way, too... but, to no avail. Poor Nick!
Dustin had Rock Band and the boys were SO into it...he got Rock Band 2 the second night we were there, so that gave them some new songs to try out! Notice the sweet hair doos!

They talked me into trying the game, so I picked the drums and it was insisted upon that I wear the hat with the mohawk....

Fun with the bobcat that Dustin had rented to work on his yard...
Dustin doesn't look scared, but he was holding pretty tightly to the barrel (or whatever that thing he's standing in is called) on the way up... looking a little green! During part of our time there, we went to a place which Dustin called "The Potholes". It's this place where these waterfalls and fallen into the same rocks for so long that these "potholes" have developed, where the water is pretty deep, though the hole is not too wide. The boys spent their time jumping into the freezing water, then climbing back up the rocks.. Too bad I'm preggo, or I would have been right there with them...unfortunately, I just had to sit in the sun and read.

First, after freaking out for a few minutes, Chad (Dustin's bro) jumped...

Then, in went Dustin...(notice me in the bottom left corner, looking a little tense. I'll be honest, it scared me..it looked like every one of them were going to crash into the rocks as they jumped in!) Then Ryan...

Finally Nick...

And there they are (minus Chad, who's taking the picture)

And that was our trip to Grand Junction..or at least, as far as the pictures go...

lately...

the past few days have been filled with a little bit of this and a little bit of that. over this past weekend, we drove across the state to visit one of ryan's bffs, dustin, who lives in grand junction. i was not looking forward to the trip (ryan, nick and i driving over to visit dustin and his brother chad), but it turned out to be lots of fun. they were very kind not to do anything i wasn't up for and we really enjoyed our visit. i will put up some pictures soon, hopefully. 

this week, we have mostly been schooling and working. tuesday, we went back to the doctor for another check up. i was hoping to get to see our little one again, so no ultrasound this time. the doctor did check the babies heartbeat which was like 175! insanely fast, but perfectly normal. we met with the actual doctor this time (we have met with the nurse practitioners before), and she was super helpful. they did talk me into getting my flu shot, which was a wee bit painful. actually, the shot wasn't bad at all, but after about an hour, my arm got really sore and stayed sore all day yesterday. i couldn't even sleep on my right side because it was so sore...but it's better now. and, hopefully no flu for me or the baby. the antibodies (i think) will actually travel thru the umbilical  cord and the baby will get the benefits of the shot, too. that way, when he/she is born, there won't be the chance of her getting the flu as a wee one. so, the pain was worth it. =) i was afraid i would get all flu-y from it (because i always do), but it hasn't been terrible. i didn't feel too hot this morning, so i skipped my class and have laid around all morning....and i feel better. sometimes, i just need some extra rest, it seems. so, i'm trying to embrace that (it's tough, though ;))! 

well, unfortunately, i need to run get ready for work. until next time...

Happy..

First day of fall!! And it's still in the 80s out here in CO! :/ Where's the snow already?!?!

i miss us being together!

to climb or to sweat?...that is the question!

So, ever since like 2 days into the whole pregnancy thing, two major things have changed about me... #1-i have to pee all the time. #2-my body temperature is even higher than before, so i get hot super easy. as you might imagine, one of these alone would get old pretty quickly...unfortunately, the combination of the two is almost too much sometimes. mainly, the problems begin to arise at night. i've always been a finicky sleeper-i like the temperature just right, but no air blowing directly on my body. in the great state of colorado, the weather has been pretty amazing lately, so we've just opened our windows at night and put our box fan in it-which cools off the room wonderfully...especially if you are sleeping on the window side of the room (which, i'll be straight with you, is the safe side of the room-the furtherist from the door (which, you know, is where the boogieman would come in if he were to come in-seeing as we live on the second floor, so the windows are not accessible to him)). but, the only problem with sleeping on the window side is that the bathroom is on the opposite side of the room. so, in order to get to the bathroom, if, say, one has to go in the middle of the night, is to climb over the person sleeping on that side of the bed and stumble into the bathroom. and that's a huge problem when the person on the other side of the bed is, like, a giant. for the first few weeks of the pregnancy, i did this-i slept on the window side (for the coolness) and climbed over the sleeping giant (who, unfortunately, i awoke) around 4 or 5 times a night when  i felt the need to pee.... but, after trying to step off the side of our bed + the height of ryan, which is around, i'm sure, 10 feet total, in the middle of the dark, dark night with no glasses on...well, i realized that was a little too dangerous for a clumsy pregnant woman to attempt. falling is just not an option these days! so, last week, i made the switch with ryan. i climbed into his side of the bed, determining that having the bathroom more easily accessible was a better option for me during this stage of my life. so, as it is, my giant of a husband (who always likes to sleep on his side) has turned into the great blocker-of-the-cool-air. sometime between the hours which we fall asleep and the hours in which we wake up, he turns into a huge wall that sucks up any cool air in the night.

deeper thinking

we went back to church this morning. we have missed it the past few weeks because i haven't been feeling top notch, but this morning, i felt much better. we went to a new church to hear one of our professors preach. ryan is taking this amazing philosophy class, it really touches a deep passion in him. he has been talking quite highly of his professor, so when he heard he was preaching at a church really near our house this morning, we decided to visit. it's always an interesting experience visiting a new church...as we were singing during the beginning of the service, i was reminded of something we have been talking about in our Old Testament class-God takes worship quite seriously. and, i don't think we take it near seriously enough. many times, i have found myself caught up in the music at church, not really (really) thinking about the words i was saying. so, this morning, i thought, "i really want to think deeply about this things. i don't want to come to church (and walk in life) and serve God only with my lips-i want my heart to be in this" so, i thought about what i was singing as i was singing it, and every now and then, when that strange line of a song would come up, i would just stop singing. you know the kind of line i'm talking about-the one that doesn't sound quite right, or that just seems to be in the song because it rhymes with the line before/after it. no need to sing things that we don't really mean... i just don't think that's very honoring to God, in the end. a new song came up that neither ryan or i had heard before, so we were reading the words as everyone sang along...and one of the lines was actually "Lord i give you the power over my life" ummm...i don't think so. i don't think we have any power to give God, who, well, has all the power (remember that whole omnipotent thing?!?). i just want to be careful to think more about the things i say at church...because it's pretty important! 

our labor day weekend

we had a very fun, but busy holiday weekend! my wonderful in-laws arrived last thursday and were here until yesterday morning. we did more over the weekend than we've done the whole time we've lived here, i think! we had great fun catching up with them and seeing the sights around denver. here are a few of the things we got to see:
on the light rail, headed downtown:

the city lights:

as we drove into estes park, i snapped this picture really quick-we don't actually know those people... there were having a special market in estes park..dustin and ryan were really excited about it, and also just as excited about being together again!

how cute is this?!

ryan's best attempt at a mickey mouse pancake, practicing for the kiddo-luckily, he has a couple of years to practice! the ears kept falling off!! a pretty sunflower-they are wildflowers here and grow all over the place!
we took a ride on the dinosaur ridge tour bus-quite fascinating!
these are actual fossilized dino footprints from about 60 million years ago (or something equally as crazy)...they were charcoaled in soon after they were discovered so they'd be easier to see):

we must be old...

on our way home from the grocery this evening, ryan mentioned what a great time he had on our date!

our little peanut

it's funny how often these days i feel like doing nothing...which is one reason i haven't blogged over the past few days! i had been doing so well at keeping this silly thing updated... :) i really enjoy writing and blogging is even more fun because people, for some crazy unknown reason, actually read it and respond...which i just love! anyway...

we went to THE doctor today and got to see our little peanut up close and personal. i was telling a friend before the appointment that i was a little worried about being able to see the baby...that episode of friends, where ross goes to THE doctor with rachel to have her first sonogram and see the baby for the first time. you know, the one where she's all like "ohhhh....awwww", like she's seeing this little life inside of her, but then as soon as the nurse turns away, she starts crying and telling ross that she actually can't see the baby..they point it out to her and she's like "ohhhhhhhhh", only to, a few moments later, admit that she still can't see it...and she never really does know exactly where the baby was in the picture! while it made for quite a funny episode of friends, it was a little unnerving to think that might actually happen!! but, i needn't have worried-we both could see the baby just fine! and the nurse was great, pointing out where the head was, showing us the heartbeat, then letting us here it beat away...pretty amazing, i must say! :) they gave us two little pictures and suggested we scan them onto our computers, but sadly, we had no scanner... :( i will say, it looked a whole lot like ashley's sonogram-LOL! oddly enough, my due date is april 13th, just a couple of days before her's! anyway, ryan and i were both excited to get to see the baby and hear that everything looks great!! :) 

in other news, we both started classes today...actually, ryan is in class this evening! i have been nervous about starting school, just because i haven't been feeling the best..but today went really well. i felt pretty sickly before class, but by the time i made it there, i was good to go. tomorrow will be a longer day for both of us, so we'll see how it goes! 

i did hear some fun news tonite when i was talking with my dad. he is a man of many skills, one being he can make just about anything you ask him to. he told me that he has found some plans for a rocking chair and cradle that he's going to make for the baby and me, as well as a baby bed, dresser, and changing table. not only will it be wonderful to have pieces that go together that we don't have to pay for, but i know his work is always just beautiful..so i can't wait to see the final products! :) 

well, until next time...

it's about saying good-bye

good-bye to the flat tummy i finally almost had..
good-bye to being able to wake up at 8 and going to bed at 12, making it all day without needing a nap...
good-bye to one of my all time favorite foods chicken, the thought of it is too much even...
good-bye to being able to sleep through the night without having to get up and go pee..
good-bye to milk, though i never really liked it all that much anyway...
but hello to the new little one growing inside me. i think it might just be worth it! =)

it's not easy being queasy...

so there is a great little shirt that has this funny little quote on it (made by a shop that makes cute tees for those expecting..). i tried to put a picture on here, but my silly mac won't let me. :( anyway, just imagine-it's cute! 

i have been experiencing this phenomenon called "morning sickness" on and off throughout the entire day... i thought, at first, i might just be an "evening sickness" girl because i was just feeling bad at the end of the day. but over the past few days, i have come to learn that it really could hit at any time....and usually, the most inconvenient time, like at church this morning. i was feeling really great as i got up and got ready for church-i even had two pieces of toast and half of a tangelo, since i was feeling so good, along with some ginger ale (i'm not crazy!). we got to church and all was well, but as the service rolled on, i started feeling terrible. i went to the bathroom, half afraid to throw-up (even though i felt like if i could i'd feel a ton better) because the bathroom is connected to the toddler's nursery class and i knew they would hear every bit of it..and that just wouldn't have been too good, you know. anyway, after standing in the bathroom a few minutes, ryan came to check on me and asked if we needed to leave. at first, i was determined to stay...but then realized it just wasn't going to happen. so, he went and got our stuff (including his brother, who rode to church with us) and we headed home. after laying down and having a few saltines and gatorade, however, i was a new person. it's funny how that works... :) can i just say, though, that ryan is just wonderful?! and his brother-not so bad all the time, either! ;) they actually cleaned up the kitchen a good bit this afternoon. we had crockpot chicken for lunch, which was great...but a few hours after eating it and a nice little nap, i came downstairs and the smell hit me before i even made it to the kitchen. and it's not that it smelled bad, but just too too strong for my weak tummy. but before i even could say much, they were putting it up and cleaning the dishes off! what nice guys..someone raised them well! thank you! :) 

well, that's all for now...

"the ABCs of me"

Attached or single-happily attached to the best husband in the world-really!
Best friend-the aforementioned fella
Cake or pie-oooo that's a tough one! i love a good piece of chocolate cake but also love key lime pie and then there's the mix between the two, the very best of all, cheesecake!
Day of choice-i'll be honest, i love the weekends...
Essential item-i'm with LJ, cell phone definitely
Favoritie color-red and brown
Gummy bears or worms-worms, the sour ones are my favorite!
Hometown-birmingham, alabama, baby!!
Indulgence-way too many things, especially now that i'm preggo and experience more cravings than usual
January or July-January, it's about beginnings, in a way...
Kids-one on the way-ahhh!!!
Life isn't complete without...love, in the greatest sense
Marriage date-December 1
Number of siblings-five! an older brother and four younger sisters! (oh how i miss all of them!)
Oranges or apples-i like to eat apples more, but i love the smell of a freshly peeled orange
Phobias-i am mrs. phobia herself...
Quote-"wherever you are, be all there. live to the hilt any situation you believe to be the will of God." -jim elliot
Reasons to smile-because life is good, even when it doesn't feel like it!
Season of choice-spring
Tag seven people-i don't even know if i know seven bloggers? magen, ashley, joel, mom, christina, carol, bette
Unknown fact-i'm allergic to cockroaches...really, i've been tested!
Vegetable-potatoes!
Worst habit-worrying
Xray or ultrasound-what kind of question is this?!?!
Your favorite food-usually, chicken and potatoes, but i haven't really been feeling the chicken lately, for some reason...so pretty much potatoes
Zodiac-gemini, how do i even know that?!?

ps. new post below!

one thing i love about colorado

the weather that's right-snow in august! unfortunetly, ryan and i (and nick) don't live in the high country, we're only at around 5300 feet high...so we will just be getting rain and cooler temps. the high on friday is 60! the high!!! is that amazing or what?!?

surprise!

remember how i mention God's timing being so funny sometimes... well, it certainly is! just when we thought we were getting things figured out, major things change. ryan and i have been praying since soon after arriving in colorado that God would really make our path clear. it's not that we don't like colorado, it's just that we miss home and our wonderful families (who wouldn't?!?). anyway, God recently made things very clear to us, which certainly we are thankful for the answered prayer, but, as it sometimes goes, it was a surprising answer...not quite what we expected! for you see, after a mere 8 months of marriage + 10 months of dating, we, ryan and samantha smith, are going to have a baby! SURPRISE!
and recently, i learned a friend from college is also expecting, and it just could be that our babies are born very close to one another.. craziness!!

family!

a good bit of our family was here over the weekend (and past week), which was just wonderful! the last of them left this morning, which was all too soon for me. once they got here, it was like we had hardly been apart any time at all... which was strange since it had been 2 loooonnnngggg months. now that they are gone, it feels like it will be an even longer few months until we are together again. anyway, i thought i'd share a few pictures from our weekend of fun:

amazingly, two of the people (in addition to us) pictured above actually live here now, too. one of them even lives with us! my sister, hannah, moved into the dorms at cu denver this past weekend, and started school yesterday! she even has a ridiculous amount of homework to do already! lol! and my brother-in-law, nick, moved in with us over the weekend...and is still deciding just what he's going to do now that he's here! we are tickled pink to have them... =)

until next time...