No escaping it..

You know, God does funny things sometimes. We have a new counselor at Genesis, and I was talking with him last night about his practice. He recently got his training in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and so I was asking him a few questions about it. I recently read a paragraph about this technique that was squished into one of my counseling books. I had been terribly dissatisfied with the short explanation the book gave, so was so excited to hear someone who knows how to implement the technique. I still don't really have enough info to explain it well, so look here!  Anyway, it has proven to be a very effective tool in working with people who have simple phobias, as well as people with post traumatic stress disorder (it's used quite frequently in the military, I learned). The jist of it is that it takes people to a similar state as the REM sleep pattern. Our new counselor told me that he thinks it's pretty fascinating that God actually created within every person the ability to get to this place and have to deal with their problems through their sleep patterns...which, I thought, "Hmm..that is really amazing!" Well, little did I know I would have such an experience not long after talking with the counselor. 

I have dreams pretty often, usually they are majorly affected by what I watch on tv. I have gotten so that I don't like watching anything remotely violent at night because I have terrible dreams (latest cases: Iron Man and that show, The Unit). Plus, with all my raging pregnancy hormones, my dream life has been all the more active. So, last night, I had this very vivid dream and I really feel like God was telling me that I really need to deal with this. A dear friend of mine from back home died unexpectedly a few weeks ago. One moment, all was well, and the next-he was in eternity (and ultimately for him, all was even better)...but it has been a hard thing to process for many of us. Me, I have pretty much been avoiding processing it, which has been easier than one might think. Since I am living many miles away and since I only have been able to talk with him sporatically since our move, it's almost like if I don't think about it, I can pretend he's still around...I know it sounds insane, but so it goes. Anyway, he was in my dream last night, alive but with some problems. For some reason, he was blind and quite slow of speech, but he really wanted to talk with me. His brother kept bringing him to me and saying, "You really need to talk with him....please just talk with him." And I kept saying "No I don't want to deal with this now, I'll deal with it later." And I'd go away from where they were...but they kept ending up near me again, only for his brother to be telling me the same things. And he himself kept trying to talk with me, but I just wouldn't do it... I kept pushing him away, again and again, saying "I'll deal with this later..." I woke up quite startled by my dream and with a very heavy sense of sadness that I kept pushing away dealing with my friend. And then, as I lay there in the middle of the night, I recalled my conversation with the new counselor at work... that God has made up so that sometimes we deal with our emotions even in our sleep. And I realized, that maybe God is saying it's time for me to really deal with this loss.. 

I still don't really want to...it's easier to pretend otherwise, as selfish and crazy as that is... but I don't think He's going to let me not deal with and process this loss. 

So, heavy I walk today filled with sadness over the loss of a dear man.