embracing it

the other night in church we talked about something that has been on my mind for a while. it was a thought, though, that i was having a hard time putting words to. and, in a way, a thought that i was afraid to voice because i wasn't sure how people would react to it. i'll share it, you think about it and i'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

WARNING: scattered thoughts ahead!!!

we, as people in general, do not like pain or suffering. we don't want to have it, we don't want our family to have it, we don't want our friends to have it, and, deep down, i don't think we even want our enemies to have it. it's not something we look forward to, or that we jump for joy when we end up having it. we don't want to hear about it, we don't want to read about it, and we certainly don't really want to even talk about it-if it's someone else's pain, that is. our's, well, depending on what it is, we might really want to talk about it...but never really feel like anyone actually wants to hear. when we do talk about it, a lot of times we get cliche responses to it. "way too busy week at work has you totally stressed and overwhelmed? you're taking it home with you and it's effecting your relationships with your family??...oh well, the big project will be finished next week, right...then everything will go back to normal!!!" "you just found out your mom is dying of cancer? that's rough, but you know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord!!!" "you're going through a terrible divorce? that's not good... but you know what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!!!"
these things are always said with the three !!!, in such a positive manner...but i can't help but wonder how they sound to the one who is hurting? my guess is trite and cliche, whether the response is true or not. i hesitate to even voice this thought because i don't want you to think that i think that the Bible is true. i certainly believe it when Paul writes in Romans, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose..." i am just questioning whether or not we actually mean that when we say it, or if we say it because it's an easy out. it's a quick response to pain in the life of believers, whatever that pain may be. and then, we turn and walk away from that poor brother or sister, running to a lighter, happier conversation. when what we really need to be doing, what we are even called to do, is to stay with that person and weep with them. we are all up for the "rejoice with those who rejoice," but so few people who stick near in that time of weeping. and we need to learn to do that... we need to learn to listen, no... really listen, not just hear them. i think part of that listening entails coming alongside our brother for the length of the problem...bearing one another's burdens. if you've ever had someone do that for you in your time of suffering, then you know just what a wonderful thing it is...and how, in some ways, when friends come alongside you and help bear up those hard things, those things seem just a little bitty bit lighter...and it causes you to think that maybe, just maybe..you are going to make it through. and, that, my friend, is what brotherhood/sisterhood is all about....



by the way: i changed our blog settings so now anyone can comment, not just google users. i didn't realize i had it that way.... so looking forward to hearing from all of you non-googlers!! :)

our dream(s)

ryan, nick (ryan's brother), and i have this dream that we talk about all the time these days. it's funny because each of us have a little bit of a different dream, but we'd like them to be combined into one. ryan's dream is to open an "adventure" shop, which he'd like to name "adventures, inc." that might be a little too creative a name, if you ask me...but whatever! :) this shop is going to specialize in creating adventure trips that ryan and nick (and he says me, but yah right!) lead them on. trips that include things like ice climbing, sky diving, sailing, hiking, scuba diving, etc. of course, before we open this shop, they must get certified in doing all these things... which sounds like great fun to them. but to me-AHHHH!! sailing, hiking and maybe scuba diving i can do, but have you ever seen pictures of people ice climbing-YIKES! a little too crazy for me. and i don't even need to comment on sky diving! :)

anyway, i'll let ryan tell you more about his dream... nick's dream, we recently learned is to open a resteraunt (i can never spell that word correctly!!). he wants to serve like fancy food and have a nice place. that's a little more in line with my dream..

i want to open a coffee/tea house. some might think i was inspired in my time at starbucks, but actually, i have wanted to for a long time. i've always just kind of toyed with the idea-thinking about how much fun it would be, but not thinking i'd ever seriously do it. but, these days, who knows? i went to a coffee place today with my mom and was immediately struck with the thought of "this is it." it is just the kind of place i'd love to one day open. the menu is not lengthy, but the food was delicious. i didn't have coffee today, but i will go back soon and try some. they also have a shop where they sell nifty little trinkets. it was just delightful!!! words just won't do it justice.. if you want to know more about it, you are just going to have to come down and see for yourself. in fact, if you'll go around lunch time, i'd be happy to join you...i work very near! :) anyway, the name of the place is the Urban Standard. not sure what the name means, but GREAT place! i'm working on the name of our place in my head right now...anyway, within our coffee shop, i think we would sell things made by independent artists because i love that sort of stuff! anyway, we might make cool cups of coffee like this:

so...that's that for now! :)

no longer a child...

i have been wanting to share this thought for a few days, but haven't gotten the chance to really sit down and write. i went to the doctor this past week and had such a sad experience. i had to get my finger pricked and that mean nurse lady just jabbed me with the pricker, squeezed all the blood out of my poor little finger and handed me a cotton swab thing and sent me on my way. can you believe that? not even a band-aid to stop the blood flow and mask the pain. what a disappointment?? as i sat there, an hour later, with my finger still dripping blood (okay, maybe it wasn't quite an hour...), i thought "it's official, i'm no longer a kid!" next time, i think i might take my own strawberry shortcake psychadelic bandaid and pull it out as soon as she finishes...maybe even ask her to put it on there for me! ;)

one of THOSE days...

before i explain why it's one of THOSE days, i need to say something else first. i don't have a big mirror in my house. we have our little mirror on our medicine cabinet, which is sufficient when you are brushing your teeth, shaving your face, or plucking your eyebrows...but is not sufficient for actually seeing how your whole outfit looks. added to that fact, to save time in the morning, i put my make-up on in the car. before you judge me, understand that i sit at quite a few redlights in the morning, which offers plenty of time for me to do this! all that to say, my first real look at my whole apperance in the morning usually happens at some point when i go to the bathroom at work. every now and then, i remember to go in there and check myself out before work actually starts (aka before i actually see anyone i know). but, usually.. .i forget. and this morning was one of those forgetting ones...

but, alas, a few moments ago, i needed to go visit the bathroom, so i did..and as i was washing my hands, i looked in the mirror and noticed my shirt looked a little strange. the sleeves looked almost inside out. i just kept staring at them in the mirror-thinking, "surely not." i try to kind of turn to the side to see if i can see the tag in the back, which i can't because my hair is down and covering where the tag would be...so, i just stand there, thinking about all the people i have chatted with this morning and wondering if they noticed. then, i looked down and looked at the sides of my shirt-thinking surely i would be able to see the seams if it was inside out, and they looked normal. long story short, the sleeves are supposed to fold up on the ends and have little buttons there on them. so, i just flipped them up quickly and laughed at myself. the sad thing-it took me like 5 minutes to realize it wasn't inside out at all.... yes, one of those days!

absolutamente profunda:

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us,

that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

(2 Corinthians 5:21)

Al que no cometió pecado alguno, por nosotros Dios lo trató como pecador, para que en él recibiéramos la justicia de Dios.

(2 Corintios 5:21)

yo soy un secretario en una oficina pero me gustaría ser ama de casa!

i have been working on my spanish all morning. i found an online program through the jefferson county library that is moving me right along. it all in spanish, which is a challenge at times...but it's been really helpful so far, i think. i miss being in guatemala a little bit. one day, we'd like to go back. there's something much easier about learning a language in a place that actually speaks that language all the time. you are, in a sense, forced to learn-and quick! :) and learn we did! but unfortunately, i have not kept up with it sense then. and just a few weeks ago, i was trying to introduce myself and chat a bit with one of a children's moms at king, and do you know i was fumbling all over the place? i couldn't recall the words i needed to make basic conversation... just terribly out of practice. so, anyway, among the list of things i want to do this month, this year, is to become more fluent in spanish. it makes me so sad that i can't really communicate with the parents at king...and, now days, at least half of the children that are coming out are younger than 5. so, guess what-they don't speak english either (since they aren't in school yet). smiling and loving on them only goes so far... i want to be able to talk with them and understand them as they rattle on about the picture they are drawing, or their new toy. so, all that to say, i'm working on my spanish, slowly but surely!

a more serious reflection

"when you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

wow! i read that this morning and have been reflecting on it for most of the day. i was talking (electronically, no less) with a friend earlier who was sharing about the trials in her life. my heart was saddened to hear about her difficulties. i was sitting here at my desk afterwards talking with the Lord about her, and wondering why sometimes life is so hard for some people. very soon after, i picked up something and came across this verse. consequently, it was a verse that really "spoke to my heart" (that phrase sounds so funny sometimes, but it's true in this case!). there was much encouragement in it, i thought. i mean, first of all it caused me to realize that we, as believers, as people...will go through the waters and fire, so to speak. the verse doesn't say "if you happen into these things," rather "when" these things come upon you... in a strange sort of way, that honestly was such an encouragement to me because i realized that i wasn't alone in being one who struggles. in other words, there were other people out there dealing with hard things (not necessarily the same hard things, but hard things no less-some harder than mine, some not as hard...). but something that encouraged me more...and gave me hope was that the Lord said He is with us through those times. He doesn't forget about us or look away as the waters rise around us. i mean, can't you just picture this verse in your mind? i can, so vividly! a girl sitting there as the rain pours down upon her head...and the rain waters begin to flood around her, so much so that she has to stand up... and so she stands there, crying out for help..even as the waters continue to rise. i've been there, scared to death, wondering if God is hearing me cry out-if indeed He will rescue me from those waters..or if maybe He has forgotten, and this time the waters really are going to completely cover me up. but, no, of course He hasn't forgotten me..nor will He ever. and, my dear friend, if you are reading this, He hasn't forgotten you either. you might feel like the waters are going to completely overwhelm you this time.. and that the fire all around you is so hot that it's just not bearable any more. but, hear the word of the Lord... when you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. the truth of this word has been witnessed by my life....

a day for love

ohhh how i love valentines day as a married woman! ryan and i were talking last night about where we were last year.... and well, it wasn't here! just for the pleasure of my faithful readers out there, i'm going to share how it all began with ryan and i....not all that long ago! ;)

there is this great movie that came out like a year and a half ago. i love it because it's just so easy for everyone to relate to it's characters. who hasn't questioned God as to why He has given us certain desires to do things in life, seeing as to how we don't have such talents needed to do them..
you know like, "why have you given me such a love for wrestling, but made me such a stinky warrior?!" (though you can't hear it, i'm quoting this line with a spanish accent!)
or, others of you maybe can relate to the feeling of having to do things in life you just don't want to do... like you get stuck with just the no-good, no-fun jobs..and think, "i always get stuck with the bad duties: cooking duty. dead guy duty. man, i've got to get me some new duties!" Okay, maybe you can't relate to either of those things...
but who can't relate with being totally in love with a person, and delighting in finding out that you love the same things (or at least, telling them you love the same things...)??
"Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favorite animal is puppies. I love serving the Lord. Hiking, play volleyball..." "You gotta be kidding me! Everything you just said is MY favorite thing to do, every day!"

So, for those of you who are just not all the smart, the movie I'm talking about is Nacho Libre. If you haven't seen it, go and rent it and watch it tonight with your love...it's romantic, let me tell you! :) It was after Ryan and I awkwardly sat on my little love-seat couch and watched that movie, that he revealed his love to me. Inspired, I'm sure, by Nacho's romantic-ness toward Encarnacion ("Would you like to join me in my quarters this evening for some toast?" Flash forward to the scene of them sitting in her room, loudly crunching on crispy toast...), Ryan could hold his feelings in no longer! :) And out they all gushed....and then came a lot of gushing from me! And here we are, not all that far from then, living happily ever after!! :)

For Ryan: ooxxooXoxxO (translated: hug, hug, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, big kiss, hug, kiss, kiss, big hug)

...here.

"Wherever you are, be all there.

Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

-Jim Elliot

I was doing some reading this morning and I came across this quote from Jim Elliot. I have heard it and pondered upon it before, but it's been a while. And this time, I finally looked up the definition of "hilt." Apparently "to live to the hilt" means to live "to the maximum extent or degree; completely; fully."

Sometimes I really struggle with "being all there." Especially in this odd place in life we are in right now...I'm ready to be past here. I'm ready to start doing whatever it is God would have us to do with our lives. I'm ready to get down to business, you know? But...we aren't "there" yet, we are still in transit, still trying to figure out just exactly what it is we're going to be doing. And, well...we are here. Here at this funny little place...here, though, is where God has us for now. Not only does He have us here, this must be where He wants us. And though we don't exactly understand the reason why, it's enough to know that He is the One who has put us here. Here, as we work two totally different jobs on opposite ends of town. Here, living like busy little bees trying to learn what it means to really love one another. Here we are. Here. And since we know God has us here, then we might should really follow Jim's advice...and live completely right here. ...for now! :)

it also makes me think of when Jesus said, in the Gospels, "I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly." I don't think He was only talking about life after death. He brought us life, life that began when He drew our hearts to salvation. ABUNDANT life...think about that!

surprises...

well, it is officially ryan's birthday week...and tomorrow is the big day! this will be our first time to celebrate his birthday for "us." last year, i thought and thought about what to get him and finally decided on something that he could play with-3 frisbee golf discs. one year later, he still hasn't used them. and not because there haven't been opportunities.... okay, well, there haven't REALLY been opportunities. we talk about going to play like once a month, but we aren't exactly sure where the course is. we know it's on (or just off) greensprings...somewhere. anyway, we do have plans to go and play soon. especially if we keep having weather like we did this weekend- that was GREAT! anyway, i put a lot of thought into this year's gift, too...even more than last year. ryan is very hard to surprise--he's very good at the guessing game. but, i've asked him like every other day if he knows what his present is from me...and he's guessed, but not correctly. i'm hoping it really will be a surprise for him! because i love surprises, myself! :)

speaking of surprises....we went to see fool's gold this weekend, the one with matthew mcconaughey and kate hudson. i thought it was going to be a guy movie, and then heard someone say it looked like a chick flick to them. i thought it was a happy medium, which rarely happens. it had it's fair share of action and romance...and really, let's be serious-anything with matt m. you know is good! :) it was a bit riskay at first, which was appalling to me. but then the rest of the movie was akin to national treasure, i thought. but that's just one girl's opinion....

escaping into another place

Oh my goodness-I didn't write yesterday because I was engrossed in a wonderful book. I just didn't want to take time away from reading it to write. :) My mom and I always say that you know you are reading a good book when you find yourself praying for the characters. The book I just finished was one of those good books! I actually have read it more than once before, but I still got so into it all the same. I laughed with Ryan as we went to lunch today because I finally put down the book this morning because I knew I was near the end of it. And I didn't want to get to the end of it, because, well, then it would be over. And I would lose all these people that had become so dear to me in the past 2 days of reading. How silly is that? But, really, I LOVE a good book like that-something that, in a way, gets you totally involved. Almost like you know the characters personally or something. It's amazing that writing can do that... I want to be able to write like that. It's one of my goals in life. I really want to write a book, one day. The only trouble is, I don't have any good ideas just yet! :) But, one day.... keep your eyes out for that in about 20 years or so!!

So, the name of the book I've been reading is The Scarlet Thread by Francine Rivers (no doubt one of my favorite fiction writers of all times!). No, the book has no relation to that book you read in high school, The Scarlet Letter.. anyway, it's a wonderfully redemptive book, just like everything else I've read by Rivers. My very favorite by her is called Redeming Love, though. If you haven't read that book, you need to stop doing whatever you are doing right now and go to the local library or book store and borrow/buy this book. I'd say go ahead and buy it-totally worth the $15. It's one of those books you will read again and again. Be prepared to sob a little, though.

Honestly, I think that's one of the great things about a good piece of fiction writing. It allows you to express emotions that you might have been holding in for a while...even ones you didn't know you had. It also helps put your own life in perspective sometimes, which I think is a good thing. Plus it's just enjoyable. As embarassing as it is to admit, I absolutely love a good Christian romance. Sure it may be a little cheesy, but sometimes it's good for the heart for me! :)

a house?

ryan and i are thinking about getting a house. okay, i'm thinking about it, haven't talked to ryan yet. but someone from my company sent me these pictures and i just know we have to have it! the only problem is that it's located in toronto..but, i'm sure there's a seminary somewhere around there. this is a deal we just CAN'T pass up!


here are some of it's "listed" features:

* Completely re-done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!* Tumbled stone entrance walk * Renovated Bath* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer * Bedroom with Murphy Bedd + "Built-Ins" ... (doubles as a den)!* Walk-out to fenced patio* 100 Amp service * 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver* Window Air Conditioner Available







and some pictures... I know what you are thinking--"that is SO cute!" Well, right you are! It is believed to be Toronto's smallest house, sitting on land that is 7.25 feet wide and 113.67 feet long, with the interior being just under 300 square feet! It's built on what actually used to be a driveway! But, it has just what we need: 1 bedroom, 1 bath


here's a picture of the living room, looking towards the front of the house! Look at that cute little chair-couch thing! Plenty of room for snuggling!


here's the living room again, this time looking towards the back of the house...

and here's the spacious kitchen! look, they even have made room for a washer and dryer!

here is a picture of the bedroom. they have built-in one of those fold-into-the-wall beds. here it is folded down...

and here's the bedroom when it's folded up. look at all that extra room you get when you put the bed up!!!

you also get some nice outside space. who needs grass really? it's just a pain to keep up with! also, the fences all around the patio offer plenty of privacy, which is plus!

and here's one more view of the GREAT patio!! :)

And all of this is only $179,000! What a DEAL!!! don't worry guys, once we get out there we will have a housewarming party so you all can see it for yourselves. actually, we'll probably have 5 or 6 parties considering that only a few people can fit inside the house at a time... ;)

random thoughts

"the underdogs"

well, they did it! the underdogs won the super bowl and i could not be happier. though i didn't outwardly stand up and shout with joy as ryan and nick did as the giants scored at the end of the game, i did jump for joy on the inside. (i couldn't very well jump up physically because then they might think i was actually really interested in football, and of course, i'm not really ;)) though so many people were pulling for their victory, i think very few people really thought that the giants would actually win. i know i didn't! but i'm so glad they did. yay for the giants!!! every last one of them....

"known"

yesterday, as our church service began, i whispered a quiet prayer to the Lord that He would speak to me through His Word during the service. and, as He is so gracious about doing, He did... scott's message yesterday was from galatians 4. as he preached a wonderful message, he all too quickly moved passed part of a verse that really spoke to my heart. in context...
"formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods. but now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?" (gal. 4: 8-9)
i love that words in the middle of the verse... paul is all about talking about the law and the follower of Christ in galatians...the jews were preaching that self-righteousness comes through obedience to the law. they were all about self-efficiency--"you can be good enough on your own, just do these things!" and paul tells his brothers and sister over and over again in this letter that thinking like that is straight up wrong. well, even though i don't think blantenly "i'm going to work hard and be good enough so i can earn God's continual love," my every day actions sometimes show otherwise. i slip back into the old way of thinking, thus enslaving myself to sin all over again. but, how loudly this verse screams to me that this way of living is no good at all! paul reminded me that i didn't even get to come to know God on my own-it was Him drawing me all along! and...
i am known by God-the creator of this world knows me. He knows my joys and my pains and everything in between. that brings a smile to my face every time i think about, even on my bad days-God knows me and what's crazy...He loves me all the same. what an absolutely, amazingly wonderful thing that is!!

"knitting"

i know all of you have been holding your breath to hear about how my knitting is going. well, hold it no longer-it's going really well! i get to knit a lot at work on my down time, which is fun! i have been working on some new patterns and things-i'm now on my third pidge. the last one and this one are even made with really cool stitches! so, that's fun! my next project is going to be a tam, which is a really cool hat thing. my sister got one for her birthday from my grandmother. it was made a long time ago by a relative that's not alive any more, for whom mollie is named. it was a sweet gift and mollie loves it so much. i think it just looks neat and figured, why not try one? i'm more confident in my knitting that i have ever been before... so, i'll let you know how that goes. hopefully one day i can get some pictures up of the different things i have made. just so you can all "ooo" and "ahh" over them! :) but for now, you'll just have to imagine! ;)

2 mOnThS!

as you can see on our new handy-dandy "how long have we been married?" tool, today marks 2 months of our wedded bliss! it's truly hard to believe it has been 2 months already-time has flown by! sometimes i forget we are married (okay, i don't really...but i have a temporary brain-lapse or something). the other day, i was talking to ryan, of all people, when i referred to myself as his girlfriend. i said something along the lines of "people are going to think you have a crazy girlfriend" (can't remember why i even said that)!! before he could correct me, i started laughing as a realized my mistake. i haven't technically been his "girlfriend" for like 8 months or something! silly me! anyway, yay for us on our two month wedding anniversary!!! here's to many, many, many, many more!!!!!!!

here's some of our photos.. i have been trying to make a slideshow out of them all day, but i have failed miserably! here's some of my favorites... :)