surprise!

life is so unpredictable at times! i always find myself thinking i just might have it figured out, and then something happens and i realize i don't even have a clue... i am excited about the potential for change in our life right now. we have been kind of coasting along for the past few months, trying to figure out exactly which direction we are headed. having a baby is a huge adjustment. it's everything we thought it would be and more, yet at the same time nothing like we thought it would be. i thought it would be chocolate chips and kisses, smiles and sunshine all the day long...and while it is sometimes, it certainly isn't always that. i have seen a side of me that i never knew existed. it's ridiculous how mad i can be at my little baby sometime, but equally ridiculous, maybe even ri-donk-ulous (i actually heard someone use that in a sentence the other day...seriously) how much i love him. over the past few months, we have slowly adjusted to our new little family of three. i was reading a friend's blog and was reminded that last year, just around this time ryan and i found out that we were going to have a little one. the whole ordeal was quite surreal for us. i actually noticed something was up and decided to take a pregnancy test, just to mark that off my list. i was pretty positive that i wasn't preggo, but, at the same time, always a little nervous that i could be (i think i took like 3 pregnancy tests within the first month of marriage!). much to my surprise, the little stick had a plus sign on it...so, of course, i took another one-to be sure that the first one wasn't a dud. then, i rushed to the store and bought two more sets of tests to take, just to be sure and called ryan in a frenzy, asking him to meet me at the school ASAP. i jumped out of the car when i got there, ran to him and blurted out, "i think i'm pregnant!" i was in such a panic. he said that i should take the other tests and see what the outcome of those were...maybe it was something i ate? so, the next two mornings, i saved all my pee through the night, and did two more tests...only to see two more plus signs. each a little darker than the one before. first thing monday morning, i called the local obgyn and asked them if i could come in for a test. they, of course, asked if i had taken a home pregnancy test. i told them i had taken three, but that i had read that they are only 99.9% accurate...couldn't i get a blood test, just to make sure i did get a false negative?? the lady actually laughed at me and told me that i certainly must be pregnant...and so i was. and now, a year later, i have a 3 1/2 month old baby-the sweetest little guy in the world!
and now..more winds of change are blowing our way. i always assumed that i would be a stay-at-home-mom and that i would absolutely love it. while i do absolutely, undoubtedly, with all my little heart love our sweet noah, i do not always love staying at home...and, on top of that, having a baby is so expensive (much more than i would have imagine. fyi: just because you pay your insurance co-pay doesn't mean that you won't still have to pay doctor's bills...)! so, for the past few weeks, ryan and i have been praying about either him finding a new job or me finding a little part time, side job. i have been pretty picky about the hours i would work...and not really seriously looking...just kind of contemplating the idea of working a few hours a week... and wouldn't you know, out of seemingly nowhere, came a job offer. a great job offer. a i can't believe they actually offered me this job offer. but, we had to take some time to see if this job would work for us...and i was a little worried that the offer would be taken back because we were so slow in responding. but, as it turns out, the job is perfect, perfect, perfect for me for this time in my life. i'll be doing something i will really enjoy...getting to invest a little of myself into a few others-and the best part, i'll get paid for it! so, we can finally get all of the crazy hospital bills paid off (no circumcision for the next boy i have and no epidural for me even if i do have to have another csection...i can suck it up! gotta save money where you can, right??)! even with this great new job, we will continue to look for something that actually makes ryan's heart sing. he is such a trooper to work two jobs that he doesn't really love (for months and months...) just to bring home the bacon (even though we don't actually eat bacon). we have found a potential for him, but are slowly working through the details to see if it will actually be a fit for us. in the meantime, we continue to pray for the Lord's direction!
until next time...

success!

noah finally enjoyed riding in the jogging stroller today. we have tried and tried, but apparently, for him, being 3 months, 2 weeks and 1 day old is the secret for him. he didn't make a peep!! 

in other news, it looks like i may have a new part-time job, which is pretty exciting news! more to come on that as the details finalize. but, i will just say that it certainly is an answer to prayer. we have been begging for direction and provision and it looks like this may be it! :) 

that's all for now...my little guy is calling my name! 

week 3

so i have been meaning all along to share about my experience with the new running program i am on. unfortunately, i have forgotten to actually do it until this point. we are currently in the middle of week 3 of the couch to 10K (in 10 weeks) running program. i didn't think that i was going to make it this far, and honestly, i'm pretty impressed with myself. i started out on the program for two reasons: a) exercise is helpful in losing weight, which i certainly have plenty to lose (thanks to noah! ;)) and b) ryan loves to run and i thought it'd be nice to do something with him that he enjoys. it has been working both ways, i have slowly continued to lose weight and have gotten to spend some quality time with ryan. unfortunately, noah is not a fan of his stroller at this point...so that doesn't always work out so well. thankfully, we have gracious family nearby who have taken care of him a few times, and the other times, well, we spend most of our time trying to keep his paci in! 

the program started me out running just about an 1/8th of a mile at a time..then walking it, then running, and so on for a mile. i couldn't breath, my legs ached and i was sure there was no way i'd make it...but i did. and now, today's goal is to run 2 miles at one time. that may not sound like a lot, but the last time i ran that much was my senior year of college (2 years ago-yikes!). it's funny, though, every time i don't think i'm going to make it, am encouraged to keep at it, and actually do what i didn't think i could...i feel very good about myself. it's a nice feeling to have pushed yourself hard...and to persevere.

anyway, a new update on the running program as we go... :) we are set to run a 5K together in just 2 short weeks! last time i ran this particular race was in college, and i wasn't in super shape... i let my dad talk me into running it and he took off and left me as soon as the race started. i came in next to last place, running across the line just after someone twice my grandmother's age. it was embarrassing... and i was exhausted! hopefully that won't happen this time..

"helpppppp!"

library + screaming baby = no fun at all! especially when it happens after you've gathered all of your books, but before you've made it to the front to check out. even worse when you reaaallllly want to get the books and aren't willing to leave them on the table you've stacked them on. and the real kicker, once you make it all the way to the front of the library to check out and they take the basket away that you FINALLY found to assist you in carrying all of the books, and you are left with a baby, his diaper bag, and a stack of books almost as tall as you are with no bag or basket or buggy to carry them out with. but, the best part is when you ask desperately if the librarian has a bag (or 20) that you can use to carry your books out in and he says, "we can sell you one for $4." and you are sure he then whispers "sucker!!" under his breath... 

routine

routine has been our friend over the past 3 months with noah. it got him sleeping through the night and made him a much happier baby during the day. this past week, though, sadly enough, our routine has gotten all messed up. we have been taking care of my two youngest sisters while the rest of the family is over seas...which has meant sleeping in a different place, getting up earlier (to get the girls to drama camp), and eating at different times. none of which has worked in our favor. over the weekend, noah decided that he had had enough and has been, i'm pretty sure, the fussiest baby in the whole world. he eats, cries, sleeps, cries, and cries some more. if we put him down anywhere to play or just to hang, he freaks out. it's terrible... i'm going to try hard to get him back to our normal routine over the next few days, if i make it through. ryan is working like a mad mad this week (from about 5 am til 6 or so pm), so he won't be around to keep me grounded. :/ some days i can barely handle all of this time with noah by myself... i don't know how single moms/dads do it!! 

Top 7 Things I Miss About Being Pregnant

7. How amazing food tastes

6. The way people think you look cute with a huge belly...not so cute when you aren't preggo

5. Can you say "baby" shower? Presents are fun any time of the year, but baby presents are ESPECIALLY fun!

4. Stretchy pants

3. The hands-freeness of it all (imagine trying to carry two bags of taters with you everywhere you go...inside a huge, awkward box thing with a handle. that's me with noah most days!)

2. Daily massages-shoulders, feet, back--yes please!!

1. Having an excuse for eating anything I want...whenever I want it.

image?

"there is no ordinary man. you have never met a mere mortal."

i started reading a book recently and came across this quote. what a thought? i have been a follower of Christ almost my whole life, and a believer in the truth of the scriptures...but i'm not sure if this thought ever crossed my mind. the bible says from the start that mankind is made in the image of God. but i'm not sure i've thought about what that means in day to day life. i'm such a black and white kind of a person... usually seeing the world as either this or that, not in between. and i find myself so often seeing people as either believers or non-believers...but all people everywhere in every time have some kind of mark of God on them. something inside of them is bearing the image of God. not sure what that looks like, or what that really even means in the fullest sense. but, at the very least, i know that it should have a HUGE impact on the way i treat those around me.

silly boy

noah has successfully mastered the 3 minute power nap. just enough time for me to take a deep breath and relax...

reflections

i feel so boring these days. i was wondering as i sat here what i was doing last year on the 4th of july, so i did some back reading of the blog. i was actually quite interesting back then... not so much now. i just don't usually feel like i have a lot to talk about (on the blog, or in conversations with people day to day even). all i do all day on most days is hang out with a little guy who doesn't quite know how to talk yet. we do have funny conversations, but i don't think he understands what i'm saying...and frankly, he just talks gibberish most of the time! seems pretty normal for a convo with a man, though. ;) anyway, i get frustrated sometimes because i'm around people i like a lot, but i have nothing to talk about. i end up leaving the talk sure that whoever thinks i'm the most boring person in the world...and sure they won't be coming around any more. but some people feel bad for me (or they are stuck with me because they're related), which works out nicely for me! :)

i kept trying to spend a little time today thinking about our freedom. of course, i am mindful of the many men and women who have fought (and are fighting) for the freedom we have in america. i am so thankful to live in the land of the free...and i'm so thankful for those who have maintained that freedom for us today. i wonder what it will be like when noah grows up. will he enjoy the same liberties we do? i hope so, but i fear he will live in a very different america than we do. i'm also mindful of the One who has ultimately given us freedom. freedom from the law...freedom from our sins...freedom from ourselves really. freedom to live...not as one bound up in chains...nor as one with a huge debt to repay. i heard once, "liberty is not the freedom to do as one wishes, rather to do as one ought." i really love any quote that has a word like "ought" in it. you just don't hear that enough these days.. this sentence really struck me and has stayed with me for years, really. and i hope to somehow instill this idea in my children some day. i think the ought-to-ness comes from a heart of love maybe, something i'm a little lacking in these days....which means the ought-to's have suffered and have some how slipped in to "shoulds" instead. shoulds are bad... but oughts are not. there's a fine line between that i'm not sure i have quite figured out. so, why don't you just ponder that for a bit and get back to me when you have it figured out...

and, well, because i am a boring mommy afterall: noah is turning in to one fun kid to be around. he is starting, day by day, to be more interactive and to be a little happier baby...though, he certainly still has his moments. he spent the day yesterday with pop and bb, and they wore him out! they said he slept most of the time, but he came home sleepy and has been sleepy all day!! we all (ryan, noah and i) got up early this morning and went for a nice little jog together. we checked out the local farmer's market (a little over a mile from our house), and then headed back home, hopped in our car and headed to the REAL farmer's market downtown. i have been wanting to check out both of them for over a year, so i was super excited that we finally got to go. i love the idea of homegrown veggies and fruits and handmade items. i would have fit right in to the early 1900s! we got a great deal on some freshly picked tomatoes and peas! i can't wait to cook them. we also got some homemade pepper relish that i'm pretty jazzed up about... and, last but not least, we got some great ideas of more things to make on my handy-dandy embroidery machine. i've had fun working on it lately! and, ryan's mom is letting me borrow a book she has that tells you how to do pretty much everything with the machine...which is nice, because i have been kind of making it up as i go. as it turns out, i wasn't doing it quite right. but now, i'm a little more in the know about what needs to be going on. hopefully i can do a little more work this week....if a certain little man in my life wouldn't have some kind of 6th sense way of knowing that my full attention is directed elsewhere. i'm not sure how he knows...but he knows.

ryan and i have been having little conversations about how far we want to space our children (if it were up to us...). i read an article in "parenting" magazine that was giving suggestions, which made me think about it a little more than i had been. i noticed lots of pregnant women out today with their little kiddos...most of them seemed to have 3 or 4 year olds, which is a lot of space. so many factors to consider. what do you out there in the blog world think? what's the best space? we want them to be close...but then do we really want 2 in diapers? i can't really imagine being pregnant again in the next year or so...but then, that's how babies come..hmmm

no fear

the other evening, ryan and i decided to jump on the trampoline with my youngest sister, mollie. we all eagerly climbed up and started jumping. very quickly ryan had us bouncing all over the place...we tried to play the game "crack the egg" with me being the first egg-cracked in less than 10 seconds, and mollie being the second egg-cracked in less than 5 seconds. then ryan got down in the egg position and we could do nothing to crack him. in fact, with both mollie and i jumping with all of our might, he was barely even getting any air. it was pitiful! after a few minutes of this, he decided he would rather jump than be an egg, so he got up and started bouncing like crazy. which, after like a minute, began to scare me quite a bit. i had no control over where i was bouncing and i was afraid he was going to throw me right off the side, accidently of course...so, i sat down and held on to the side for dear life. mollie, who is 14 now, looked at me and said, "when did it happen that we started being afraid of doing things like this? why can't we just go crazy like when we were younger?" 

what a question to hear from a little sister! i laughed at first, but haven't been able to get it out of my head. when did i grow up and stop having fun? i would love to blame it on being a mom...but i'm afraid it came long before that...i want to shake loose and not be afraid again...